Thursday and Thankful to be Alive

I try not to blog about myself too much because this is an autism blog. But my thankfulness sometimes has to extend beyond the scope of autism, and why shouldn't it? Autism is a part of our lives, but it's not the end-all of our existence, right? Anyway, my thankfulness today:

1. I am thankful that we are finally getting to a point where I can take a sort of respite break once in a while and do something just for myself - not work related (like when I used to take yoga classes because I was teaching yoga) but just strictly for enjoyment. I had signed us all up for the local bicycle club recently, but I haven't been able to take part in any of the rides until tonight. So I am thankful that I had the opportunity to do that (despite the ensuing disaster).

2. That being said, I am really thankful that I am actually home, in one piece and I didn't die on my fist ride with the bike club. I had my doubts for a while. I am particularly thankful for the lovely gentleman who was acting as ride sweeper tonight - that's the person who hangs back with anyone having trouble on the ride. I was 'done like dinner, ' to quote Gus almost as soon as we started. I felt a little uneasy when I saw that almost everyone was riding road bikes, except one guy who had a hybrid. Genius that I am, I brought my mountain bike - it was easier to grab and I was in a rush. I never imagined how much heavier that thing is compared to my road bike! Holy cow - it nearly killed me! My other big mistake was having dinner before I left. By the time we were halfway back, I had the most hideous stomach cramps. I should have known better. The first big hill we hit, I got so overheated I really wondered if I might have a heart attack. I may have been having a hot flash at that moment as well - impossible to tell. At any rate, T. was very patient and found a spot where we could shorten the ride. It was tough - I did maybe 10 miles - but I made it back and got an awesome hug from Gus because he felt sad for me. How awesome is that?

3. I am thankful that Gus was sensitive and aware enough to not only ask how my ride went, but to genuinely feel badly for me. There's that empathy again!

And as a bonus: I am thankful that I bought snacks because I could eat a cow...after I take a quick nap, anyway.

I'm about to pass out now, but please share your thankfulness with us! Have a great night!

The Gift Beneath the Mother's Day Present

Last Thursday, Gus's school had a plant sale for Mother's Day. I gave him $20 and told him he could spend up to $5 on whatever he wanted if he saw something he liked. That afternoon, he came home with a 2 foot tall plant - a tomato plant to be precise - and handed it to me along with change. If you've read about our past adventures with tomato plants, you'll understand the deep significance of such a gift.

I wrote a note to his teacher the next day to find out if someone had perhaps suggested to him that it might be nice to replace the (now completely dead) tomato plant we were trying to grow. Nope. He picked out the plant all on his own (and by the way, stayed within his budget, which is something I probably would not have done).

What has this told me? Gus may not be meeting some of the social goals on his IEP, but the work and social skills training that happens every day, here and at school, are getting through to him. I always knew that he had empathy, but he's also learning to be considerate of others and to correct his mistakes. I told a friend about my gift and she mused that many grown men - even the neurotypical ones - wouldn't have been so considerate.

So as sweet as the plant was, I really loved the deeper gift of knowing that Gus really is gaining those skills that he'll need to function in the world. It's been a struggle and there will be many, many more struggles, but a plant showed me a sign that all the hardship has never been for nothing. Every day he gets a little better, grows a little more, and I think he's going to be all right.

Lack of Empathy?

It is commonly said that people with autism or Asperger's lack empathy for others. I disagree. This strikes me as an oversimplification. I know of many cases of Autistics or Aspies showing empathy and/or concern for the people who are important to them. If they don't show empathy for strangers, well, I can point to many people without diagnoses who do that. Just look at the number of people who walk by the homeless as if they are ghosts.

As I write this I have one of the worst headaches I've had in a long while. I've had to keep my right eye closed for much of the afternoon and evening - that seems to help, along with sitting still and not bending. Migraine, sinus headache, eye strain? Who knows? I don't really care. The point is it hurts like a mutha.

After his bath, Gus was a little energetic and climbing on me as usual. I normally don't mind, but 'noggins' (soft head-butts) and having him generally anywhere near my face was just painful. So I said, "Mommy has a headache and I need you to be still."

He grabbed the sides of my face, gently and laid my head against his chest. That was unexpected, but very sweet. Then he kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair. Yes, he really did. Empathy, compassion, care giving...and I could see him doing the same for his sister or father or grandparents or aunts, uncles, cousins....

He may not kiss a stranger on the street on the top of their head, but he would notice a homeless person in the street as a person and not a ghost. Makes you wonder about the definitions or these 'criteria' and 'symptoms.'

Speaking of symptoms, I should probably go and close my eyes. Have a great night and a great holiday if you celebrate one!

Thursday Thankfulness

I'm very late posting today because it's been incredibly busy and satisfyingly productive.

Today I am thankful for...

...the nice gentleman in the parking lot of Lowe's hardware store for helping me lift a 75lb. box that I would have hurt myself moving on my own. For that matter, I'm thankful for the Lowe's employee who helped me get it into my cart. Gotta love those random acts of kindness. Gus and I had a fun expedition today - he seems to enjoy hardware stores. We bought shelving for our kitchen, and a bunch of gardening supplies to plant an indoor garden! Right now we've got basil, parsley and some assorted flowers growing. Today we planted tomatoes and arugula. That was after putting together the shelving. I said it was a busy day...

...having two kids who have a real empathy for and love of nature. They love the outdoors and MM in particular enjoys gardening and flowers. I have a strong feeling that knowing how to grow food and thinking in terms of what is good for the planet will be very useful for them in the future.

...having two kids who love to sing and to laugh. I'm also happy that Gus and I share some musical tastes. On our way to the store earlier we had a great time jammin' to Earth, Wind & Fire. Seriously, the two best sounds in the world are kids singing and kids giggling. It's because those are generally sounds of joy. Gus often wakes up laughing - I can hear him from across the hall. MM bursts into song all the time. How could anyone not appreciate that?

Your gratitude below, please! And since today is almost over, have an awesome Friday!