The Things He Gets Into

Crash!

"Daddy!"

Oh jeez, what now?

DH goes downstairs to see what the heck this boy is up to now. I hear a shout and decide not to go down there. Daddy seems to have everything under control, and I have a leaky toilet to deal with. Gus slumps back to his room. DH pokes his head into the bathroom. "He put a light bulb in the microwave." Good thing I stayed put.

I pass Gus's room on my way to check out the damage & our eyes catch. "I don't even want to say anything to you right now," I tell him. That will probably have a much bigger impact than losing the GameCube, Xbox and computer for 4 days. I don't need to yell. DH calms down quickly – he doesn't need to yell either. Gus is now flagellating himself.

He is upset and scared that he could have hurt himself. "Tell Gus to stop pretending he's dead!" MM comes and begs. He's taking 2 minutes too long, by her count, to be upset, and he should have given into her cheering-up attempts already. I go sweep up blue-tinted glass. I'm glad he didn't go for something equally intriguing like a battery or one of the CFLs.

Later we ask what he was thinking – a dumb question. It often seems that Gus doesn't think before acting, but that's not right. The real problem is that his brand of logic is only logical within his own personal universe, the one where you can save energy by cooking a light bulb, because they don't explode in his microwaves.

The rest of the night doesn't get any better. He wakes up around midnight, disturbed by something he refuses to share. (I later learn that it was "maybe" a nightmare about being eaten by a hawk.) Around 4:30, due to our sleepless misfortune (MM is having a bad night too), the power goes out and wakes him again. This time, he thinks he's somehow caused the blackout. I briefly explain that it's raining and has nothing to do with him before stumbling back to bed for the third? fourth? time.

I hope that today is less…experimental than yesterday. And if it has to be experimental, I hope the experiments are less dangerous.

Solo Outings

I generally avoid taking both kids out by myself (or letting anyone else do so) because it can be difficult to keep them from jetting off in different directions. Sometimes though it can't really be avoided. My husband had to be away for the day, and the kids had doctor appointments. Then it turned out to be a glorious day - how could I keep them cooped up? So after the appointments were done, we went to the beach. Here's how we managed:

Despite Gus's Asperger's syndrome, I've found that many basic parenting tricks work just fine with him.

• On the way to the doctor's office, I gave the kids a brief overview of what we were doing for the day. If they were good at the doctor's, we could go to the beach if the weather was nice. I was very specific about the possibility that we might not go to the beach under certain circumstances in order to preempt a tantrum if we couldn't go.
• At the doctor's office, I gave them specific expectations for behavior - no climbing around the exam room like maniacs, basically. They did just fine.
• When it came time for vaccinations, instead of having them both in the room for the shots, I took Gus out and let MM get hers first. They tend to amp each other up, but by separating them, MM had no one to perform for, and Gus didn't get extra freaked out by her antics. He was a little anxious, but after getting the shot said, "That didn't hurt." Surprise!
• On the way home, we revisited the plan, then went home for lunch. After giving them the option not to go, we packed everything up, changed into swimsuits and headed to the beach. In the car, I went over the beach rules and let them know that if they broke the rules, we'd go home immediately. One reason my kids behave pretty well for me instead of taking advantage of the double-team is that they know there are swift consequences for breaking rules. I'm pretty consistent with this, and I think that's made it possible for us to hang out together now.
• Since I only had limited hands to carry stuff, I left the beach toys home in order to make sure I could carry plenty of healthy snacks. I didn't go overboard, but sun and water make kids want to eat. And there are usually a million toys at the beach - no need to carry more in all honesty. In the past, I've left the door open for many a meltdown by not having ample snackage. Neither of them has ever had a fit over not having a shovel. I try not to make those mistakes at this stage of our lives.
• We got to the beach, which is small and usually not very crowded, early in the day, around 12:30. For obvious reasons, we avoid the really busy times, although today, it never got as packed as I've seen in the past.

The results? We spent an extremely pleasant 4 hours at the beach; the kids played with some other children (yes, even Gus came across a little girl who was persistent and patient); I got to relax for an afternoon with my kids! For the win!!

What strategies do you use to maintain order when taking multiple kids out? Have a great weekend!



Image by Kratanuva on Wikimedia Commons

It's Duck Season...No, It's Wabbit Season...No, It's Tick Season

What's more fun than a barrel of rage-infected monkeys? Trying to remove a very large, very gross, very embedded, and very engorged tick from your very panicky autistic child. And for extra laughs, try doing it in a supermarket parking lot.

Yesterday, my poor Gus found a huge tick behind his right ear. He seemed to feel it suddenly and started scratching at it as we were getting in the car to leave the supermarket. One look told me that it had been there at least since the day before, and that's really the only time he could have gotten it. Of course, I panicked because, well: supermarket parking lot, kid picking at nasty bug, twenty minute ride home...take your pick of bad situational elements.

After dragging the kids through the parking lot trying to find someone with tweezers, I finally went back into the supermarket and a lovely clerk gave me a pair. I took Gus outside (with MM in tow, bless her little heart, she was so good about it) and with him screaming bloody murder, I managed to rip the thing apart and leave the head embedded. In other words, exactly what I was not supposed to do. It's kind of hard to remember all the rules in the midst of a panic, especially when you don't know the rules to begin with. I sort of half knew them, but with him twisting and writhing (and the nice people in the parking lot staring like I was ripping his head off instead of the bug's) just as I grabbed the head, Gus jerked and...pop, squish, off came the body without the head.

The good news is that the tiny deer ticks are usually the lyme carriers, but this isn't set in stone, so we will still watch for the signs of lyme: fever, fatigue, rash (can appear as long as 6-8 weeks from the time of the bite), etc.

From what I've learned, the most important thing is to not squeeze the tick because that makes it inject more (potentially infected) muck into the site. To remove a tick, if tweezers are the only thing available (preferably splinter tweezers), you've got to get the head and pull back gently to avoid breaking the tick and getting the head stuck in the skin, which can lead to infection. The head itself won't transmit lyme, but infection is still not really desirable. There are apparently devices, available in pet stores, for removing ticks that are supposed to be more effective than tweezers:

Commercially available tick-removal devices include the Sawyer Tick Pliers (B&A Products, Bunch, Okla.), Pro-Tick Remedy (SCS Limited, Stony Point, N.Y.) and Ticked Off (Ticked Off Inc., Dover, N.H.)*

From American Family Physician

Methods to avoid include hot matches, vaseline, clear nail polish or nail polish remover to get the tick to dislodge. Those tend to make the little bloodsuckers dig in deeper and, you guessed it, squirt more nasty fluids.

Two preventative measures to take against these critters are to use insect repellent regularly, which can be difficult with a child who has sensory defensiveness to smells, and to perform tick checks. I've tried several formulas for Gus that he has absolutely hated. Aside from the odors, he doesn't like being sprayed with things. I'm next going to try a natural lemon and eucalyptus repellent (doesn't have a very strong smell). Bed, Bath and Beyond used to sell insect repellent bracelets (they looked like small coils) but I found those to be ineffective, and the kids would just play with them and take them off anyway. There are wipes to use for kids who dislike sprays.

During this time of year, especially if you live in a grassy, woody area where ticks are prevalent,you should check for ticks carefully every day. Spending a lot of time outdoors isn't a requirement for getting a tick - MM has had them jump her when she was just passing by a bush as soon as we left our house. (I caught that little bugger before he could attach himself.) She hadn't even made it to the grass and was still on the concrete path. We usually check every night, but it's not hard to miss something that small - do your best and be sure to check between toes, hairline, behind the ears, armpits and groin area.

Gus is fine now and I'm fairly certain we were able to get the rest of the tick dislodged from his skin. Be careful out there - the bugs seems to be particularly numerous this year. For us, we're going to try one of those tick removing devices very soon. This happened just in time for us to go camping! Keep your fingers crossed for us!

The Gift Beneath the Mother's Day Present

Last Thursday, Gus's school had a plant sale for Mother's Day. I gave him $20 and told him he could spend up to $5 on whatever he wanted if he saw something he liked. That afternoon, he came home with a 2 foot tall plant - a tomato plant to be precise - and handed it to me along with change. If you've read about our past adventures with tomato plants, you'll understand the deep significance of such a gift.

I wrote a note to his teacher the next day to find out if someone had perhaps suggested to him that it might be nice to replace the (now completely dead) tomato plant we were trying to grow. Nope. He picked out the plant all on his own (and by the way, stayed within his budget, which is something I probably would not have done).

What has this told me? Gus may not be meeting some of the social goals on his IEP, but the work and social skills training that happens every day, here and at school, are getting through to him. I always knew that he had empathy, but he's also learning to be considerate of others and to correct his mistakes. I told a friend about my gift and she mused that many grown men - even the neurotypical ones - wouldn't have been so considerate.

So as sweet as the plant was, I really loved the deeper gift of knowing that Gus really is gaining those skills that he'll need to function in the world. It's been a struggle and there will be many, many more struggles, but a plant showed me a sign that all the hardship has never been for nothing. Every day he gets a little better, grows a little more, and I think he's going to be all right.

Manic Monday: Plant

Prompt by Mo at Manic Monday

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that Gus and I had gone to Lowe's to buy some gardening supplies. We planted an indoor garden of arugula, tomatoes, basil, parsley and some mixed flowers. It took a while for the tomato plant to sprout, but finally, we saw a little seedling about an inch long. I put in a wood stake for it. We were all very excited because we had started to think that we would have to start over. Well, someone got a little too excited.

Yesterday, I was upstairs putting away laundry when I heard Gus saying something like, "It will grow back," to MM. I felt a pang of panic go through me, but there was no screaming or crying, so I kept at my task. Less than a minute later, MM trudged up the stairs with something in her hand.

"Mommy?"

"Ugh," was the first thought my brain was able to form, followed by, "What now?"

"Well..."

Here is the "what now"

Inside the red circle is what remains of our tomato seedling. Gus plucked off the top half of it because he, "wanted to see if it would magically grow." Damn that Jack and the Beanstalk. One of these days I will learn to anticipate what my little Aspie's brain is going to come up with next. In the meantime, only supervised visits to the garden area.

We're hoping the plant is tough enough to recover. Gus still insists it will grow back. We'll see. I've given the plant some Reiki, and I think that will help. If anyone has tomato or gardening expertise, any advice would be greatly appreciated. To be continued...

Manic Monday: Wet

prompt by Mo of Manic Monday - check it out!

So yesterday, we (meaning I) started painting the downstairs. Gus had asked if he could help, which I was happy to oblige. So he got to put some of the primer on a small section of the wall. He wasn't all that pleased when he got some wet paint from the roller on his hands. The project went pretty well. Here's three colors: the old color on the left, white primer in the middle, and the new color on the right.


It took pretty much all day to do the dining area, even with MM's help (Gus gave up after the primer). So after all that work, I'm a little...territorial about the walls, especially since the rest of the downstairs isn't finished yet. I certainly don't want nicks in the walls one day later. So maybe I should have put up some 'wet paint' tape across the area or something. It probably wasn't a wise decision to let Gus over there, especially during a homework semi-meltdown. And possibly, the metal chairs with the sharp corners will have to go. Yup; nice little nick in the wall already.


The trim, by the way is chocolate brown, not black. It looks warmer in person. It even looks sort of nice over there. The irony here is that I'm pushing myself to get the place painted and looking nice before his birthday because I thought it would be nice to invite a couple of his school friends over for a mini-party. I know he didn't mean any harm and probably didn't even notice the chair scraping the wall. I know he probably has no concept of what it is taking for me to get this painting done, or why it has to be done, or even that there's any connection between the painting and his 'party'. And yet, intellectually knowing all this, something as small as an almost imperceptible nick in a new paint job really got under my skin. Big things I can cope with. Why are the little things such destroyers of my sanity?

I Goofed!

If anyone grabbed my button from the sidebar before this morning, the code was missing the link back to my blog! Oops! It's been fixed, so please, snag away & I apologize for any inconvenience!