Thankfulness

I never tend to count Sundays as the start of a week, but rather as the end. So before my week is done, here is what I am thankful for:

• Gus had a good time at our friend's son's birthday party up in Albany. He didn't make any lifelong friends, but this was another pretty accepting environment. Gus played video games for much of the afternoon, but there were a couple of teenage relatives who tried to play with him. He also played with the younger kids on and off. There was a medium sized dog, which Gus says he petted (although I did not actually see it happen). It was a pretty pleasant afternoon all things considered.
  
• I am thankful that we actually made it home from the previously mentioned party! Holy cow, what an odyssey! First we missed an exit and ended up driving into the next state. Then, once we were about 45 minutes from home, the kids were going bonkers so we thought we'd stop for dinner. Understand what I mean by bonkers – very loud Pokémon speak, kicking seats…someone was about to get dinged in the head with a Pokedex…It got so bad that DH and I were laughing. Not the 'HAHA they're so cute' laugh; the 'OMG I've just fallen off a cliff and am about to be a pancake' hysterical laugh. The exit had one of those blue signs that said we could find food and gas. We followed the arrow toward the food and gas. And followed. And followed. And followed…There was NOTHING! (I'm feeling another hysterical giggle coming on.) We drove for a good half hour to find…the next exit that would have been right where Gus's school is. So we finally found a Chinese take-out place figuring it would be fast. HA! Forty-five minutes before we got out food. With this whole ordeal, we could have drive home and back! Needless to say, I am very, very glad to be out of the car and back home.
  
• I am thankful for finishing a 24 mile bike ride safely yesterday. I rode a trail that spans 3 counties and did my farthest distance yet. I think I might meet my goal of doing a 50 mile ride this year. I'll have to start a new blog…
  

Incidentally, I'm typing on my new net book (which I am also thankful for) – yay! As nice as it was, I'm glad this weekend is done – I'm beat! What are you thankful for this week?

Solo Outings

I generally avoid taking both kids out by myself (or letting anyone else do so) because it can be difficult to keep them from jetting off in different directions. Sometimes though it can't really be avoided. My husband had to be away for the day, and the kids had doctor appointments. Then it turned out to be a glorious day - how could I keep them cooped up? So after the appointments were done, we went to the beach. Here's how we managed:

Despite Gus's Asperger's syndrome, I've found that many basic parenting tricks work just fine with him.

• On the way to the doctor's office, I gave the kids a brief overview of what we were doing for the day. If they were good at the doctor's, we could go to the beach if the weather was nice. I was very specific about the possibility that we might not go to the beach under certain circumstances in order to preempt a tantrum if we couldn't go.
• At the doctor's office, I gave them specific expectations for behavior - no climbing around the exam room like maniacs, basically. They did just fine.
• When it came time for vaccinations, instead of having them both in the room for the shots, I took Gus out and let MM get hers first. They tend to amp each other up, but by separating them, MM had no one to perform for, and Gus didn't get extra freaked out by her antics. He was a little anxious, but after getting the shot said, "That didn't hurt." Surprise!
• On the way home, we revisited the plan, then went home for lunch. After giving them the option not to go, we packed everything up, changed into swimsuits and headed to the beach. In the car, I went over the beach rules and let them know that if they broke the rules, we'd go home immediately. One reason my kids behave pretty well for me instead of taking advantage of the double-team is that they know there are swift consequences for breaking rules. I'm pretty consistent with this, and I think that's made it possible for us to hang out together now.
• Since I only had limited hands to carry stuff, I left the beach toys home in order to make sure I could carry plenty of healthy snacks. I didn't go overboard, but sun and water make kids want to eat. And there are usually a million toys at the beach - no need to carry more in all honesty. In the past, I've left the door open for many a meltdown by not having ample snackage. Neither of them has ever had a fit over not having a shovel. I try not to make those mistakes at this stage of our lives.
• We got to the beach, which is small and usually not very crowded, early in the day, around 12:30. For obvious reasons, we avoid the really busy times, although today, it never got as packed as I've seen in the past.

The results? We spent an extremely pleasant 4 hours at the beach; the kids played with some other children (yes, even Gus came across a little girl who was persistent and patient); I got to relax for an afternoon with my kids! For the win!!

What strategies do you use to maintain order when taking multiple kids out? Have a great weekend!



Image by Kratanuva on Wikimedia Commons

Small Groups

Eons ago, in another life when I taught high-school aged kids, I learned that children with certain learning styles (kinesthetic and tactile) tended to do much better in small group activities (groups of 2 or 3). I notice that this holds true for Gus. In large groups of peers, as when we are hanging out in the neighborhood, he gravitates away from the large number of kids, and it ends up being a situation where we are corralling him more than anything else. Not enjoyable for us or for him.

Yesterday, we skipped the neighborhood scene (at the last minute we were invited to a beach party with the neighbors - probably at least 8-11 kids) and went to my cousin's as planned. There were about 5 other children playing together and wow! what a difference in Gus. He still needed some redirection at times, but it was one of the most enjoyable Independence Days that I can remember with him. He played with his friends. He and MM were having such a good time we were able to stay until well past their bedtime; usually we leave right after dinner before they start getting overwhelmed. We got home around 9:30 - heck, that's almost past my bedtime!

The company clearly made a difference as well. There was a level of relaxation and acceptance that is almost non-existent when all the neighborhood kids are together. It's as if Gus doesn't exist. Who wants to do all the work of engaging this kid who always talks to himself when there are so many other, less strange, playmates around? I'm grateful that they aren't outwardly mean to him, at least most of them aren't most of the time - there are comments now and again. But unless there are small numbers, he is rarely, if ever, part of the crowd.

Gus separated himself from the kids yesterday at times, too, but it was more like he just needed breaks. When he rejoined them, he was accepted with no problem. It was just a lovely, laid back, enjoyable day.

How was your 4th?



*image by Katori Suigo via WikiTravel.

Days Off CAN Be Peaceful!

The kids had off today for the holiday weekend, and I was a little worried about what we'd do because it was supposed to be very hot today. We started our day with french toast, which they'd earned by getting dressed with a minimum of fuss (Gus didn't even need to be asked today). We went to the nursery to get some deer repellent and fertilizer stuff for our plants. We ended up with a new tomato plant. MM named the new one Aim (short for Aimee I later learned).

After getting home with our new friend, I realized I had no way to hang the hanging vines. So we had lunch and then headed back out to the hardware store for hooks and a chain. I have to say, the kids were very good in both stores. We went over the rules in the car each time and I asked that they keep their hands to themselves. I also pointed out that we would be around living things and we wouldn't want to hurt them by accidentally knocking anything over. Seemed to work.

Gus's tomato (who does not have a name) has gotten too big for the kitchen, so we've relocated it outside (thus the deer repellent, which by the way stinks to high heaven, as my mom used to say).

Gus stayed inside most of the afternoon playing Pokemon, but came out to play with the kids with water guns and the neighbor's hose. By the time he came out, most of the kids had gone, but he still had a good time.

All in all, a better than average day! How was yours? Leave a comment and if you've got a sec, please vote in my sidebar poll! Have a great weekend!

Thursday Thankfulness

I know it looks like I've been slacking, and that's probably because I have. After being cooped up for the fall and winter (which to me all equates to 'winter' once it drops below 40 degrees) I've been like a big kid, wanting to be out in the open air as much as possible. So you'll probably notice that I've only been posting a few times a week. That'll change come the fall, but I will definitely keep up my Thursdays - they're good for morale! This week I am thankful for:

My tomato plant which is not only still alive after the transplanting, but growing at a frightful rate! I would have felt awful if I'd killed it. Now we just have to figure out what to do when it starts to reach the ceiling, as my father-in-law wisely pointed out. I'm envisioning some sort of Jack and the Beanstalk-esque post coming before the end of the summer.

I am thankful that Gus's field trip was a success! Monday, we went on an epic journey, to the wilds of Queens, NY to see a production of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Originally, the whole family was going to attend the trip, but MM decided to stay home with her dad instead of taking the 2+ hour bus ride each way. So I had the rare chance to spend some time with Gus. The show was a blast. I never got the name of the actress who was playing Alexander, but I have to say it was exhausting just watching her. She never stood still for a second on the stage - I've never seen an adult with that much energy (and living with my husband, that's saying quite a bit)! And she had to sing! I don't know how she didn't pass out, but she was amazing. The show held lots of laughs and was totally worth the ride. The trip back was entertaining for me as well. At one point, Gus was seated behind his friend who is also a Pokemon expert. I had brought one of Gus's Pokemon encyclopedias to keep him from getting too antsy on the trip. The boy in front started passing back notes about the Pokemon DS game and then would ask Gus to turn to a specific Pokemon in the book and then pass the book through that space between the window and the seat. Then I'd hear, "Aw, that one looks great!" or something similar. This went on for well over half an hour. Hilarious! More importantly, I got to see Gus bonding with a friend. Priceless.

I am thankful that it's nice out so that I can go for a bike ride as soon as I finish this post. One thing I've noticed is that I've got a lot more patience when I a) do something for myself once in a while and b) get exercise c) get out of the house. It seems like this should be so simple as to be unworthy of mentioning, but any parent, especially those who work from home, can attest that it is often hard to pull yourself away and trust that the world won't stop turning when you stop turning the crank. I'm still not convinced, but the sun is out and telling me to be a little selfish. So if the world stops because I'm not sitting at my computer working, or doing laundry, or any of the other 3,950,242,538,408 things I need to do in the next hour...blame it on the sun. I'm out of here!

What are you thankful for today?

The Autistic Child and Social Functions – Preparation is the Key to Success

Social functions can be a nightmare for parents of a child with autism (and for the child for that matter). But they don't have to be. With enough planning and preparation, your child can attend those functions with relatively few problems. Yesterday, we took Gus to an engagement party for a good friend of ours. I'll be honest – I had a knot in my stomach from last week until well after we had gotten to the party, which had about 50 or so people present and is usually a recipe for disaster. But he did just fine. Now, let me point out that Gus's age and the amount of education and behavioral training he's received for the last 6 years made a big difference. If we had taken him to a similar party 3 years ago, we would have had a much different experience. So the first thing to consider is where your child is developmentally. If you can realistically give your child a 50/50 chance of success, then go for it. But if you know your child is just really not ready to stretch his wings, maybe it's best to wait.

Know and Prepare the Environment

I almost never take Gus to places that are completely foreign to us. If we're going to a new place, like yesterday, I do some homework ahead of time to get an idea of what he can get into and what we'll be dealing with. We knew about how many people would be attending the party and that the number was likely more than he could manage, so a few conversations with our friend solved that problem. He very kindly agreed to set up a game system for Gus away from the party area so that Gus wouldn't be overwhelmed. We also knew that the area was not fenced in (we had to be on alert that he could elope very easily), and that there would be 2 dogs outside. This prior knowledge allowed us to plan for two major issues ahead of time. Our friend also let his family (our hosts) know about Gus's challenges, and that was a big help because there was less pressure on us about offending the hosts by being upstairs most of the time (for the most part one of us was at the party at any given time – more on that later). I think it was helpful for them as well because it took the guesswork out of why that little boy was holed up in that room, or why he kept running laps around the house before going back up to the room, or why we had to be so on-top of him. I have found that when we are up front with people about Gus's situation, they have tended to be understanding and helpful. Sometimes they still don't get it, but since our friend knows Gus pretty well, he knew exactly what we would be dealing with.

Prepare Yourself and Your Child

We did a few things to prep Gus about the party. For one thing, he had some choices about what we would bring for him and whether or not we'd go to soccer first or just skip it (we skipped). We gave him plenty of time to get used to the idea that there would be dogs and reassured him about that. On the trip there, as we usually do, we went over the rules and expectations. For ourselves, we made sure we had plenty of snacks, movies and games to keep him busy. We also use a sort of tag—team system for these situations to share the responsibility of watching the kids. You may have wondered where MM was in all this. Although she is 'neurotypical' we still prepare her the same way we prepare Gus. But she usually can be given a little more freedom, and she spent most of the party making friends with the other kids and playing outside. So we kept switching off – one of us would stay with Gus and the other would mingle and keep an eye on MM. Gus even ventured out several times to walk around and then went back to his game. Neither of us was being too rude and each got to enjoy the party a little.

Use the Objects of Obsession to Your Advantage

When deciding what to bring to keep Gus entertained it was really a no-brainer, but I'll mention it anyway. We brought a bunch of games, and our friend brought his Wii, but there was no way we were leaving the Pokémon games behind. We could have made the mistake of just letting Gus play whatever Wii games our friend had, but thankfully, we didn't. Gus got frustrated with the new games, and if that was all we had to work with, we would have had a major problem. With the Pokémon game, however, he was more than happy to play it for most of the 5 hours we were there (yes, you read that number right – I was surprised we lasted that long too). I was even able to leave him alone for a few minutes at a time to get him food or to check on the party.

Be Flexible and Know When to Call it Quits

For people on the spectrum, it can take more energy to regulate themselves that for the average person, and Gus is no different. We always have to be aware of when his reserves of self-control are starting to slip. What I've learned is that when I see those signs, we have to go and people just have to understand. We used to try to stay until at events until it was 'polite' to leave – usually after dessert, but that is a good way to ask for a meltdown. Better to cut the losses – people appreciate not having a scene much more than having you eat dessert, I think. As I mentioned before, Gus wanted to go outside every now and them and for the most part, he stuck to the rule of staying at the party. But when I saw that he didn't want to sit and eat, and then started wandering into the next property, I knew he was done. As much as I hate to 'eat and run' that's pretty much what we did, because he can lose it pretty quickly. By the time I was getting him to the car, he'd started struggling with me to start running around, and he'd stopped listening. Staying, at that point, would have been dumb on our parts (which I know from first hand experience).

Even the Way We Party Isn't Typical Anymore

So we've had to make some refinements to the way we socialize when we take the kid with us. We can't just go to a party and hang out with friends while the kids run around and entertain themselves. But whereas we used to just take them places and be miserable chasing after a very wound up Gus, we're learning how to make the situation more manageable for everyone. And as he grows and matures, he's able to handle more for longer periods of time. Yesterday, he even petted and played with the dogs once he saw how calm and well-behaved they were. It's gotten better. We're still not ready for Disney World, but give us another few years.

*painting by Albert Chevalier Tayler

Manic Monday: Warm

I'm late today with my Manic Monday meme because I was out for a lot of the day enjoying the continued warm weather with my kids, but that's not what today's post is about. Yesterday, we did the smartest thing we could do when the temperature bypasses warm and jumps straight to summertime-hot: we went to the children's theater!

Gus has been showing a great deal of interest lately in plays, drama, the theater, and especially comedy. He had passed by a sign about a week ago for a production of Robin Hood and got very excited. So, a hot day is a good day to be in an air-conditioned auditorium, I always say!

This play was a little longer than the last production we went to see, but both kids did reasonably well. The only real 'incident' (if you can even call it that) was at the very end of the play. The cast exited the stage into the audience. As one character proceeded up the aisle, Gus shouted, "Take off that ridiculous costume!" He shouted a comment to another actor - something about wearing laundry detergent on his head. He was trying to be funny, not mean, but we had to have a talk about heckling and how he wouldn't like it if someone did that to him if he was doing a comedy show. Not sure if he really got it.

All in all, a good, cool day.

Happy Monday and hope you're not feeling too warm!

Hot Soccer

Yesterday I got to take Gus to his soccer game! It was awesome, in large part because we had an almost 90 degree day yesterday, so in the morning, the temperature was perfect for hanging out watching a game. I saw some of his teammates from the fall season and a couple of additions. And apparently there is now a special needs cheering squad! Way to go girls! They were too cute!

Gus had to take several water breaks, but he did very well during his field time. They did a drill that involved zig-zagging through some cones and then dribbling in the same pattern. I'm not sure I could have done it without hitting any. But he did it and later made 3 goals.

Gus taking a little break on the field.

In the afternoon, we thought we'd go for a hike up the Appalachian trail and then maybe spend some time at the playground. First, 90+ degrees is only good hiking weather during the actual summer (not this prank summer we're currently experiencing) after the trees have bloomed completely. We figured the trail is normally nice and shady. We're normally on the trail in July, not April. So the hike was quite short. We lasted longer at the nearby playground because the kids found some nice shady spots to hang out in. What did they care that we had to share a 2 foot by 8 inch patch of shade between the two of us?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the heat. If it decided to stay this warm through the end of the summer, I'd be a happy woman! Gus on the other hand...heat and the resulting eczema are not really his friends. He was up in the middle of the night, which I suspect was also related to the heat, but he insists he was doing research on Pokemon steel types. Makes perfect sense to do that kind of research at night - they might have melted in the intense daytime heat, right?

It was a lovely, laid back Saturday, and if I can get my act together, tomorrow I'll post about how we managed to beat the intense warm weather for Manic Monday!

Thursday Thankfulness

I'm very late posting today because it's been incredibly busy and satisfyingly productive.

Today I am thankful for...

...the nice gentleman in the parking lot of Lowe's hardware store for helping me lift a 75lb. box that I would have hurt myself moving on my own. For that matter, I'm thankful for the Lowe's employee who helped me get it into my cart. Gotta love those random acts of kindness. Gus and I had a fun expedition today - he seems to enjoy hardware stores. We bought shelving for our kitchen, and a bunch of gardening supplies to plant an indoor garden! Right now we've got basil, parsley and some assorted flowers growing. Today we planted tomatoes and arugula. That was after putting together the shelving. I said it was a busy day...

...having two kids who have a real empathy for and love of nature. They love the outdoors and MM in particular enjoys gardening and flowers. I have a strong feeling that knowing how to grow food and thinking in terms of what is good for the planet will be very useful for them in the future.

...having two kids who love to sing and to laugh. I'm also happy that Gus and I share some musical tastes. On our way to the store earlier we had a great time jammin' to Earth, Wind & Fire. Seriously, the two best sounds in the world are kids singing and kids giggling. It's because those are generally sounds of joy. Gus often wakes up laughing - I can hear him from across the hall. MM bursts into song all the time. How could anyone not appreciate that?

Your gratitude below, please! And since today is almost over, have an awesome Friday!

AMC’s Sensory Friendly Films and Monsters vs. Aliens

Image borrowed according to fair use from Paramount Pictures

A while back it came to my attention that some theaters offered what they called sensory friendly films, but at the time I didn't pay much attention to it. We've only taken our kids to the movies very rarely, mostly because there aren't that many movies we've been interested for them to see. But Monsters vs. Aliens looked a little too good to pass up. We decided to try to take them, but we were concerned about loud explosions bothering both kids, not just Gus. They seemed so excited to see the movie that I decided to do a little research.

It turns out that AMC Theaters partnered with the Autism Society of America to offer these sensory friendly films for kids on the autism spectrum. The films are shown at certain times of the month at select participating theaters. If there isn't a participating theater nearby, you can contact AMC – they might try to change that. The nearest theater to us was about an hour and a half away, near my sister, so we made a day of it. We packed the kids up early in the morning, went out for a big breakfast, and then met my sister and nephew for lunch after the movie.

So modifications did the theater offer? We got lucky that we called for the schedule when we did because this theater offers the accommodations the first Saturday of every month at the first showing. This is beneficial for two reasons: no crowds and matinee rates (we always prefer to pay matinee rates in case Gus doesn't make it through the entire movie). Once the movie started, the lights went down, but not to total darkness. And the best part - which made the movie more enjoyable even for me – the sound was turned down. It was great! The movie was not shown in 3D, which I was grateful for because I was worried about it being too overwhelming for Gus. He got a little fidgety, but not to the extent that he wanted to leave; he just needed to move. No one complained about his movement or when he made comments to the screen. The last time he watched an entire movie in the theater was probably when we went to see Curious George 3 years ago. It was a very nice time.

Was Monsters vs. Aliens worth the 3 hours round trip that we spent in the car? Totally worth it! I've come to have a high level of trust in Dreamworks productions. It was exciting and fun for both kids and parents (there were some hilarious pop culture references) without being crude or obnoxious. In other words, it was just our speed. I highly recommend it!

Have you experienced any sensory friendly films? If so, how did you enjoy it? If not, would you be interested in trying one out?

Busy Weekend

image by: Ian Britton via Freefoto.com

I've been MIA for a few days because the weekend was just incredibly busy. I was very excited that Gus had an exceptional time in terms of his behavior.

Saturday, the kids spent the day with DH and with their grandfather while Grandmother and I were at a bridal shower. Thankfully it was a magnificent day, so they got to go to the park for a good 3 hours. It always amazes me how much good the outdoors can do for Gus. If only it was nice out all the time and he could have all his classes outdoors. He didn't wander off at all, but all reports, which is huge for him. When everyone came back in, he was much more mellow than he had been on his last visit. He slept almost the whole way home but still slept through the night. Sunday morning, he was still in his calm space.

Sunday afternoon, we went to his little cousin's birthday party. There were a lot more children than I anticipated, and he tried to leave a few times, but all in all, he handled the party well. He held it together when they sang happy birthday (just had his hands over his ears and looked like he wanted to bolt, but didn't). And there was one very surprising and nice aspect of the day. The birthday boy's older brother is also on the spectrum, so he and Gus generally sort of orbit around each other without interacting much. Well yesterday, they actually 'hung out' for a while - Gus watching his cousin play a video game. There were words exchanged! They stayed up there together until Gus wanted a turn to play. His cousin got mad when he was made to share and that was the end of the bonding. But it's a start!

Gus woke up a couple of times last night, but he was still pretty chilled out this morning, so hopefully it was a good day at school as well.

How did your early-spring weekend go?

Something He Might be Good At

image by Peter de Wit - some rights reserved

The kids were invited to a birthday party today - a bowling party. We figured they'd have fun, but they truly exceeded all expectations.

Gus and MM ended up on a lane with 4 other kids. One little boy is a natural athlete: he plays baseball and almost has his black belt in karate - the kid is not even 8 yet. He doesn't typically play with Gus, and often makes derisive faces at him. Even when they first started playing, Gus was hopping up and down, so excited every time he knocked down some pins. HE was equally excited and cheering for anyone else who knocked down some pins. That earned him a couple of "weird" looks from the other boys playing.

That was until he pulled into the lead.

Yes, you read that right. Gus, the boy with poor coordination and low muscle tone, especially in his arms and hands, was beating Super Athlete for a frame or two! Go Gus! After that, Super Athlete wasn't exactly nice to him, but I could see a little glimmer of respect replace the condescension.

Gus came in 2nd place with a score of 78 - not bad for a kid who has only bowled one other time. And MM, bless her heart, came in a close third. She has patented a move she calls the "run slide." Picture bowling meets Flashdance. A couple more games, and my kids will be able to take on the president.

It was a fun party and an exhausting afternoon. Catch ya tomorrow!

Gus Speaks

Gus had the day off today, so we got to spend some time hanging out. Then I got the brilliant idea to interview him. I always write about him, but he never gets the opportunity to represent himself. (After hearing this, you may decide that's been a wise move on my part). He was in a very silly mood by the time we got back.





Like he said, we went out for breakfast and then attempted to get a couple of pints of paint to test the colors. Apparently, the store doesn't sell small sizes and expects people to get at least a quart of a color they don't even know if they want. So we came home and did this little interview. I found it interesting that he was more focused on the conversation (as opposed to climbing on me) when we started talking about Pokemon, but not surprising. He's playing now. MM is a little mad that we went out without her, despite the fact that she often gets lunches out while Gus is at school. I'll take her out next week.

Have a great weekend!