Thankfulness Thursday

Good afternoon, reader! It's a beautiful, rainy day here but that will not stop us from being grateful that we're still breathing, right? Of course not! Here's what I'm feeling thankful for today:

• I am thankful that my finger is almost better (at least I'm telling myself it is because then I can ignore all the people who keep advising me to get it X-rayed). I've been able to get it out of the splint for long periods today. It keeps swelling back up, so that's probably not the best idea. Using it to type seems particularly problematic, but...well, take my word for it - it's almost better. That's the story I'm sticking to. Moving on...
• I am thankful that I am sometimes just as quirky as Gus. Not only does it help me to understand him, but it also gives me a good excuse when I do things that other people might give me strange looks for. The example would be how I spent part of my morning: gardening. What's weird about that? It was raining. Not just drizzling or pouring, but it was fully raining - drops bouncing off the blacktop and everything. My neighbor came out to get his newspaper and gave me that look that said, "what the hell is she doing?" I was planting. It occurred to me that a lot of people do their planting when it's nice out, but then complain when they get all hot and sweaty because the sun's beating down on them. Anyway, I planted some flowers that I bought this morning (before it rained) and transplanted my tomato plant. I found out that they are Better Boy tomatoes, by the way. It helped that we have a pretty deep overhang on the house, so I wasn't getting drenched, but I could see myself planting out back if it wasn't raining too hard as long as I had a raincoat and hood. What do you think? Would you garden in the rain or am I nuts?

• I am thankful for the Magic Tree House series of books by Mary Pope Osborne. I've learned some interesting things from these books. The latest Monday with a Mad Genius was all about Leonardo DaVinci.
  
  
  
  
  
  Osborne mentioned DaVinci's mirror writing, and now guess who's interested in learning to do that? Anything that helps my kids, who both have trouble with fine motor skills, to gain strength and control with their hands is a good deal. Sure, I'll be building confusion with letter direction at the same time, but really, let's just look at the positives for now!

Clearly, I'm feeling a little silly this afternoon, but a little silliness is good for the soul especially on a rainy day. What are you thankful for today?



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Ritualistic Behaviors and Genetics

image from Wikimedia Commons

God (or Goddess or who or whatever you believe is calling the shots) has a sense of humor. I am convinced of this for many reasons, but today I think it is because when Gus was being formed in my tummy, God decided to take every quirk - from me, my husband, my parents, his parents, even our cats - and pile them into the boy who became known as Gus. No wonder the kid wakes up so often in a giggling fit - it's pretty amusing. We've got to be the poster people for why autism is a mainly genetic condition. I think we could also make a pretty good case for how some of the behaviors that are considered to be 'odd' in people with autism, may be more normal than the typically developed world wants to admit. If I had a dollar for each of the stimming behaviors I've seen in 'typically developed' people...well, I've never actually had such a large sum of money to handle, but I'll bet I could do a lot. Maybe pay off the national debt.

One of the things I seem to have in common with Gus is a reliance on rituals. Ritualistic behaviors - following the same patterns without deviation - are common to people with autism. But I think to a certain degree, they may not be all that uncommon to people without the autism diagnosis. I suppose it's all a matter of relativity and degree, like everything else.

When Gus was a baby we lived in a 2 story building at the back of a U-shaped courtyard. It was a pain when we had to lug groceries or laundry down the long walkway, but it turned out to be a huge boon once Gus was mobile since he had a long way to run before he could reach the road. Every time we went out, he'd take off down the path. But he didn't go straight into the road; there was a mammoth tree if he veered to the left a little, which he almost always did. Down the path, around the tree...One day, after MM was born (so I was significantly slowed with an infant) Gus snuck out of the apartment, out of the building and down the path wearing nothing but a diaper. By the time I caught up, I was frantic (he is frighteningly fast when he wants to be). But my neighbor had snagged him. He was sitting very calmly under his tree. If he ever varied his pattern, I can count the number of times on one hand. We lived there until he was 5 - that's a long time to repeat a ritual.

I also have some rituals that some people might consider strange. The one that got me on this train of thought was the way I prepare my tea. I drink a lot of tea and I am very particular with the way it's made. I tend to use the same mug because the size of the mug is important - it affects the amount of tea, sugar, lemon and water needed. I must have the precise amount of sugar - 1 teaspoon plus one packet of Stevia - and a sliver of lemon (about half an inch thick). I use loose tea, so since my mug is 16 oz. I use 2 teaspoons, and yes, I measure with an actual measuring spoon that I have only for measuring my tea. The sugar, Stevia and lemon (in that order almost always) go in the mug first. The only time I add these things after the water is when I go to a diner because they are deviant and always insist on bringing me a mug of water instead of just a pot of water and an empty mug so I can make my tea properly! I try not to be bitter about it. Back when I used tea bags, I used to let my tea sit for a long time before drinking it because I don't like it too hot. Now I set a timer because I learned I was over-steeping my tea. See? I can be flexible about this. But not much.

The point is that if my tea is not made just so, I may not be thrilled with it, it may dampen the experience for me, but I can drink it without getting too upset. When Gus's current routine of watching Arthur the minute he walks through the door is changed (like it was during pledge time for PBS) he gets very upset. And therein lies the distinction. It's all a matter of degrees.

Sometimes these rituals are useful. Our bedtime ritual makes it possible for Gus to go to sleep very easily. But if we deviate from the ritual, it can be a problem. I used to teach an evening yoga class on Monday nights. Every Monday night, DH would have a hard time getting Gus to go to bed because he spent a long time getting up to look for me. Double edged blades those rituals. They help me to remember things that my overextended brain would otherwise forget, Unfortunately, if I alter the routine at all I can really screw myself up.

Last week it was a nice day and I changed my normal pattern by going for a bike ride in the middle of the afternoon before I had to pick up my neighbor's daughter and then Gus. Usually I don't leave the house at that time because I generally chain myself to my computer screen. Everything was fine - I got back from my ride in plenty of time to put my bike away, grab a quick drink of water, put my keys and ID away, lock up and head out to the bus stop. Did you catch that? Good for you because I didn't until I reached in my pocket and realized that the keys were still hanging on the hook and I was locked out. Yeah, changing the pattern is not usually a good thing for me.

Some people think that the ritualistic behaviors should be stopped. While there is certainly something to be said for helping your autistic child gain some flexibility, I think that as long as they are not infringing on anyone else, they're probably okay. Many people have their little rituals. So the autistic person may just have more of them or be more intensely attached to them.

So why did tea lead me to a discussion of ritualistic behavior? Well, my routine is totally off right now because the kids are home on break. And Gus had a nightmare and woke me up last night, so I'm also a little more tired than usual (and clearly into making lots of excuses for myself). So I began my tea ritual and then got distracted by getting the kids orange juice. The water boiled, I grabbed my teaspoon and dumped the first scoop of loose tea...right into the cup. I forgot the strainer. It wouldn't have been a problem if there wasn't all that sugar, Stevia and lemon juice at the bottom of the cup. Okay, sometimes the rituals don't really work out.

Do you see any of your autistic child's behaviors in yourself? Do either of you have any amusing rituals you follow?



P.S. This post may be a little rambling and distracted, but I'm posting it anyway. Why? Because posting to this blog is another one of my rituals! Have a great day!

Where Does Quirkiness End and the Spectrum Begin?

Last summer I read a book called Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. While I don't typically read a lot of parenting books, this one stuck with me. Kurcinka talks a bit about temperament and personality types, and what I found most interesting was that some of the extreme manifestations of different types of behavior came very close to mild manifestations of behavior that you might see in a child on the minor end of the autism spectrum. For example, some traits that she discusses in her book are persistence, sensitivity and activity. There's a scale to measure if your child exhibits these traits at a high level or a low level. I remember reading and thinking that there seemed to be a pretty thin line between a highly persistent child and one on the spectrum who might be mildly obsessive. From her description of the sensitivity trait, I wondered where the separation was between a highly sensitive child and a child with mild Sensory Integration Disorder. It occurs to me that these distinctions are purely subjective. I have to wonder if this subjectivity, coupled with a culture that strikes me as obsessed with conformity and sameness, might be a factor in what often appears to be a sudden rise in autism diagnoses.

Years ago when I was in elementary school, I got straight A's, but I rarely paid attention, I often daydreamed, I sometimes got out of my seat for no good reason (one spring I used to sit on top of my desk trying to sun-bleach my hair), and I was often disruptive but not overly active. If I were the same student today, I might be diagnosed with ADD, but back then no one felt the need to classify me as anything. I was just a really smart kid who was probably bored and talked a lot. When Gus was about 18 months old, I noticed that he always seemed to isolate himself from the other kids in his daycare class, but being that I had a deep appreciation for solitude and little experience with 'typical' behavior for a child his age, I wasn't inclined to think of his behavior as problematic. My bigger issue was with his teachers who never seemed to be aware that he was at the opposite end of the play yard all alone.

The more I learn about the autism spectrum, the more similarities I notice between my son and myself, the more I question the validity of some of the things that have been labeled as 'dysfunctional.' I rock side-to-side; if Gus did that he'd be stimming. My friend had a lot to say and a doctor asked her if she had ADHD. Why couldn't it just be a simple case of her having a lot to get off her chest? When did every little difference become such a big issue?

I'm not suggesting that individuals on the autism spectrum don't need extra support because often they do. What they don't need is the stigma of being damaged in some way because of their differences. Maybe instead of trying to force these individuals to perform in a way that is unnatural for them, perhaps the world needs to do a little adapting to the fact that we are not all carbon copies of each other, nor should we be.