The Return of Thursday Thankfulness

I've been quite remiss lately with posting, but now that school is back in session, I can hear myself think again. It seems rather appropriate that Gus started school on a Thursday. Today I am thankful:

1. That Gus not only started school again, but that he was eager to start school again. Yesterday he said that he had "art-room-sickness," similar to homesickness but for the art room at school. He was a little nervous about starting 3rd grade, but that's normal. He'll have the same teacher and several friends in his class. He seems more concerned about the level of expectation and about getting his work done. This tells me that he values good grades, he wants to do well, and just maybe, he'll be a more motivated than ever to work on his focus and concentration. My fingers are crossed.

2. I am thankful that Gus go his bus monitor from last year! This is a big win, because she is just amazing and adores him. I couldn't have bought a better start to his day.

3. I am thankful that MM enjoyed her first day of school yesterday as well, despite the new bus driver whom has made her his sworn enemy already. We've got full day school now, which means that I have time to myself! I've got some projects that have been on hold all summer that I plan to move on, so extra thankful for that.

If your child has started school, did the year start off well? Please share your gratitude in a comment and have an awesome day!

Thankfulness...Day

Instead of making excuses every week for why I keep missing Thursdays, let's just agree that I'll post a thankfulness list at some point every week. Really, I don't want to keep boring you with my memory issues.

This week:

• I am thankful that although my husband contracted Lyme disease, he caught it very early and was being treated even before his blood work was back. It's nice when medical professionals are on the ball. In a similar vein, I am thankful that my friend J's doctors are also on the ball right now and hope that she gets a speedy resolution to the problems she's currently suffering. Here's to hoping they both feel much better very soon.
• I am thankful that my marriage will get to see its 10th anniversary tomorrow and that I'll get to see my *** birthday on Sunday! You didn't really think I'd be silly enough to post my age? Anyway, we're going camping (and packing LOTS of bug spray) this weekend to celebrate, so I'll be extra thankful if the sky decides not to spit on us.
• I am thankful that I have learned to exercise restraint, especially when people are picking on Gus. Snotty neighborhood kid felt the need to go out of his way to antagonize Gus, who was minding his business and riding his bike in a friend's parking lot while MM and a few other kids were playing with sidewalk chalk. Snotty rode up with another little boy (who never says anything to start trouble) and called something to Gus that I didn't hear. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was trying to get Gus to ride with them. Of course, Gus didn't respond in any typical way, and rode between then saying in a mock scared voice, "Aaah! Don't crash into me!" He was trying to play with them. Getting no response, he rode away. Now, Snotty could have just left it at that and gone on with his business. He could have even shook his head (it's not the first time Gus has exhibited confusing behavior) and kept his mouth shut. But no, instead he turns to the other kid and says, loudly enough for me & Gus to both hear, "What's wrong with Gus??" You know the tone. This, by the way, is the same kid who once asked Gus why he was crazy. He has absolutely no interest in being Gus's friend, and I know this because most of the time he acts like Gus isn't even there, just like all the other boys his age in the area.
  
  So, I didn't hurl a bike at the kid like some incredible She-Hulk. I walked over to him calmly and said, "Snotty,* you know I like you, but I heard what you said and if I hear you say something like that again about Gus, I'm going to tell your dad, because it's not nice." Not the strongest statement in the world, but he's only 8 -- I couldn't be but so harsh. And we both knew his dad would not be pleased to hear about that behavior. He knew he was wrong and honestly wasn't being completely respectful to me when I was speaking, but I didn't get all crazy about it. Hopefully, he'll heed the warning and just stay clear of my son. The dad would attempt to discipline, but the mom would just counter whatever dad does and further reinforce Snotty's behavior. I'd rather not have to spend the summer feuding with neighbors. We'll see what happens.

So that's our story this week. What are you thankful for? Have a great weekend, be safe and be healthy!



*Snotty's name has been changed to protect his identity, but also because I think it's a more appropriate name than his real one.

Small Groups

Eons ago, in another life when I taught high-school aged kids, I learned that children with certain learning styles (kinesthetic and tactile) tended to do much better in small group activities (groups of 2 or 3). I notice that this holds true for Gus. In large groups of peers, as when we are hanging out in the neighborhood, he gravitates away from the large number of kids, and it ends up being a situation where we are corralling him more than anything else. Not enjoyable for us or for him.

Yesterday, we skipped the neighborhood scene (at the last minute we were invited to a beach party with the neighbors - probably at least 8-11 kids) and went to my cousin's as planned. There were about 5 other children playing together and wow! what a difference in Gus. He still needed some redirection at times, but it was one of the most enjoyable Independence Days that I can remember with him. He played with his friends. He and MM were having such a good time we were able to stay until well past their bedtime; usually we leave right after dinner before they start getting overwhelmed. We got home around 9:30 - heck, that's almost past my bedtime!

The company clearly made a difference as well. There was a level of relaxation and acceptance that is almost non-existent when all the neighborhood kids are together. It's as if Gus doesn't exist. Who wants to do all the work of engaging this kid who always talks to himself when there are so many other, less strange, playmates around? I'm grateful that they aren't outwardly mean to him, at least most of them aren't most of the time - there are comments now and again. But unless there are small numbers, he is rarely, if ever, part of the crowd.

Gus separated himself from the kids yesterday at times, too, but it was more like he just needed breaks. When he rejoined them, he was accepted with no problem. It was just a lovely, laid back, enjoyable day.

How was your 4th?



*image by Katori Suigo via WikiTravel.

Thankfulness Thursday - Almost Forgot What Day it Is

This week has gone by so fast, I didn't even realize it was Thursday! It's late and I just got back from a bike ride, so I'll have to be brief. This week I am thankful for:

• Finishing my first ride with the cycling club! I did the whole 17 miles and only had to walk halfway up one hill! I feel quite accomplished! And I made it home in time to say goodnight to the kidlings! Bonus!
• Having a few days to hang out with my kids before Gus starts summer school. We've done some organizing and shopping for our upcoming camping trip, took a few trips to the playground and saw some of the neighborhood kids. It's been a pretty mellow, if busy, time.
• Summer finally showing itself! It's been so cold and wet, I was starting to wonder if we'd somehow time/space warped to Seattle. It was actually hot enough for the sprinklers and kiddie pools! I hope it's here to stay!

What are you thankful for this week?

On a more somber note, RIP to three icons who passed this week: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett & Michael Jackson.

Weekend Update

I've gone far beyond the weekend, but it was so busy, this is the first chance I've had to update, and I'll have to be quick or there will be two hungry children gnawing on my kneecaps pretty soon.

Saturday we had a beautiful morning for soccer. Gus was a little sluggish because it's allergy season and the higher the pollen count, the more of a drain on his poor body resources. But he seemed to be having a good time with the dribbling drills and a short game afterward. Then it was off to our first birthday party of the weekend at a local playground. We ran into a little trouble because the park was so crowded, and he was already tired, he got overwhelmed and tried to go in every direction at once. With a coordinated tag-team effort, and a brief talking-to, he kept himself under control enough to let us know where he wanted to go if he was leaving the immediate area. One fun thing I observed was after a water balloon game. A bunch of kids were chasing after the hostesses' little brother with a large bucket of water. Instead of running away from the crowd, Gus got right in there and even helped carry the pail! The best part - no one was treating him any differently than the rest of the group. That was a great sight to see!

Sunday there was another party this time at one of the arcade restaurants. I was home working on the attic with my father-in-law (We rocked and got everything installed without any ER visits!) so I didn't get to see Gus at this party. I heard, however, that he is now hanging out in the bigger kid section playing video games. Gaming runs in his genes, so I'm not really surprised and am a bit relieved. He may have something to connect him to his peers after all!

We got back into the school day routine yesterday without any problem. I finally got to start on my book (meaning I stopped procrastinating)! Thanks to those of you who voted in my poll! What did you all do this weekend?

Tomorrow look out for a post on our dentist visit - I'm sure it will prove interesting!

Have a great night!



*image from CKSinfo.com

Asperger's Q & A

A commenter had some questions for me, and instead of responding just in a comment, I thought I'd post the answer here in case anyone else was interested. I may do this periodically if anyone's got a question that requires more than a couple of lines of reply.

Q: How old was Gus when you found out about him? Did you know before he was born? I ask this because I don't know how you learned to be so good with handling him. Was it all learning as he aged?

A: Gus was about eighteen months old when we noticed that he wasn't taking much interest in other children. I'd pick him up from day care and see him at one end of the play yard while the rest of the class was at the opposite end. At home when we'd take him to the park, he'd always gravitate away from other children. That was what gave us the first inkling that something was different about him. However, he had sensitivities right from birth. He was always hyper-alert and extremely sensitive to noise. I'm sure plenty of people thought I was a complete, overprotective psycho the way I insisted on total silence when I was trying to get him to sleep, but it was necessary. He was always fidgety and in constant motion - it's largely the way he processes information. Things like fine motor development were delayed, but since he was my first child, I had no point of comparison. I didn't think of anything as 'problematic' until that toddler stage. Another thing that tipped us off around that time was that Gus had been acquiring language and vocabulary at a remarkable rate, but then he stopped for a while. That was the point when we started to see a lot of tantrums, and I started having trouble managing his behavior. But once he got into Early Intervention and was given some communication tools, the meltdowns became much less of an issue. So to answer that part of the question, we didn't know anything before Gus was born, there were signs almost immediately after he was born, but we didn't definitively know that he'd need some special help until he was about 2.

As for handling him (I'm not sure I always handle him so well), it's all been a learning process, and I've had a great deal of help. One thing that made a big difference for us was that my husband and I made the decision that I would spend the majority of my time at home with Gus (and later MM). This allowed me to really learn who he is and how to meet his needs. In addition to that, we've been very lucky with the professionals who have worked with Gus from teachers to pediatricians to therapists. When Gus was in his uncommunicative stage, a parent trainer (social worker from our school district) worked with me to help me manage my own reactions to his behavior. The support of family and friends has been a great help, and the network of autism bloggers I've come across over the past few years has been wonderful resource for information and support as well. So I can't take all the credit for learning how to deal with the challenges of Asperger's - it's been a real group effort, and I'm always refining my approach because my amazing boy changes constantly.

I hope that answers the question! If you have questions or would like to share similar experiences with your child, please feel free to chime in! Have a great weekend!

Thursday Thankfulness

I know it looks like I've been slacking, and that's probably because I have. After being cooped up for the fall and winter (which to me all equates to 'winter' once it drops below 40 degrees) I've been like a big kid, wanting to be out in the open air as much as possible. So you'll probably notice that I've only been posting a few times a week. That'll change come the fall, but I will definitely keep up my Thursdays - they're good for morale! This week I am thankful for:

My tomato plant which is not only still alive after the transplanting, but growing at a frightful rate! I would have felt awful if I'd killed it. Now we just have to figure out what to do when it starts to reach the ceiling, as my father-in-law wisely pointed out. I'm envisioning some sort of Jack and the Beanstalk-esque post coming before the end of the summer.

I am thankful that Gus's field trip was a success! Monday, we went on an epic journey, to the wilds of Queens, NY to see a production of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Originally, the whole family was going to attend the trip, but MM decided to stay home with her dad instead of taking the 2+ hour bus ride each way. So I had the rare chance to spend some time with Gus. The show was a blast. I never got the name of the actress who was playing Alexander, but I have to say it was exhausting just watching her. She never stood still for a second on the stage - I've never seen an adult with that much energy (and living with my husband, that's saying quite a bit)! And she had to sing! I don't know how she didn't pass out, but she was amazing. The show held lots of laughs and was totally worth the ride. The trip back was entertaining for me as well. At one point, Gus was seated behind his friend who is also a Pokemon expert. I had brought one of Gus's Pokemon encyclopedias to keep him from getting too antsy on the trip. The boy in front started passing back notes about the Pokemon DS game and then would ask Gus to turn to a specific Pokemon in the book and then pass the book through that space between the window and the seat. Then I'd hear, "Aw, that one looks great!" or something similar. This went on for well over half an hour. Hilarious! More importantly, I got to see Gus bonding with a friend. Priceless.

I am thankful that it's nice out so that I can go for a bike ride as soon as I finish this post. One thing I've noticed is that I've got a lot more patience when I a) do something for myself once in a while and b) get exercise c) get out of the house. It seems like this should be so simple as to be unworthy of mentioning, but any parent, especially those who work from home, can attest that it is often hard to pull yourself away and trust that the world won't stop turning when you stop turning the crank. I'm still not convinced, but the sun is out and telling me to be a little selfish. So if the world stops because I'm not sitting at my computer working, or doing laundry, or any of the other 3,950,242,538,408 things I need to do in the next hour...blame it on the sun. I'm out of here!

What are you thankful for today?

The Autistic Child and Social Functions – Preparation is the Key to Success

Social functions can be a nightmare for parents of a child with autism (and for the child for that matter). But they don't have to be. With enough planning and preparation, your child can attend those functions with relatively few problems. Yesterday, we took Gus to an engagement party for a good friend of ours. I'll be honest – I had a knot in my stomach from last week until well after we had gotten to the party, which had about 50 or so people present and is usually a recipe for disaster. But he did just fine. Now, let me point out that Gus's age and the amount of education and behavioral training he's received for the last 6 years made a big difference. If we had taken him to a similar party 3 years ago, we would have had a much different experience. So the first thing to consider is where your child is developmentally. If you can realistically give your child a 50/50 chance of success, then go for it. But if you know your child is just really not ready to stretch his wings, maybe it's best to wait.

Know and Prepare the Environment

I almost never take Gus to places that are completely foreign to us. If we're going to a new place, like yesterday, I do some homework ahead of time to get an idea of what he can get into and what we'll be dealing with. We knew about how many people would be attending the party and that the number was likely more than he could manage, so a few conversations with our friend solved that problem. He very kindly agreed to set up a game system for Gus away from the party area so that Gus wouldn't be overwhelmed. We also knew that the area was not fenced in (we had to be on alert that he could elope very easily), and that there would be 2 dogs outside. This prior knowledge allowed us to plan for two major issues ahead of time. Our friend also let his family (our hosts) know about Gus's challenges, and that was a big help because there was less pressure on us about offending the hosts by being upstairs most of the time (for the most part one of us was at the party at any given time – more on that later). I think it was helpful for them as well because it took the guesswork out of why that little boy was holed up in that room, or why he kept running laps around the house before going back up to the room, or why we had to be so on-top of him. I have found that when we are up front with people about Gus's situation, they have tended to be understanding and helpful. Sometimes they still don't get it, but since our friend knows Gus pretty well, he knew exactly what we would be dealing with.

Prepare Yourself and Your Child

We did a few things to prep Gus about the party. For one thing, he had some choices about what we would bring for him and whether or not we'd go to soccer first or just skip it (we skipped). We gave him plenty of time to get used to the idea that there would be dogs and reassured him about that. On the trip there, as we usually do, we went over the rules and expectations. For ourselves, we made sure we had plenty of snacks, movies and games to keep him busy. We also use a sort of tag—team system for these situations to share the responsibility of watching the kids. You may have wondered where MM was in all this. Although she is 'neurotypical' we still prepare her the same way we prepare Gus. But she usually can be given a little more freedom, and she spent most of the party making friends with the other kids and playing outside. So we kept switching off – one of us would stay with Gus and the other would mingle and keep an eye on MM. Gus even ventured out several times to walk around and then went back to his game. Neither of us was being too rude and each got to enjoy the party a little.

Use the Objects of Obsession to Your Advantage

When deciding what to bring to keep Gus entertained it was really a no-brainer, but I'll mention it anyway. We brought a bunch of games, and our friend brought his Wii, but there was no way we were leaving the Pokémon games behind. We could have made the mistake of just letting Gus play whatever Wii games our friend had, but thankfully, we didn't. Gus got frustrated with the new games, and if that was all we had to work with, we would have had a major problem. With the Pokémon game, however, he was more than happy to play it for most of the 5 hours we were there (yes, you read that number right – I was surprised we lasted that long too). I was even able to leave him alone for a few minutes at a time to get him food or to check on the party.

Be Flexible and Know When to Call it Quits

For people on the spectrum, it can take more energy to regulate themselves that for the average person, and Gus is no different. We always have to be aware of when his reserves of self-control are starting to slip. What I've learned is that when I see those signs, we have to go and people just have to understand. We used to try to stay until at events until it was 'polite' to leave – usually after dessert, but that is a good way to ask for a meltdown. Better to cut the losses – people appreciate not having a scene much more than having you eat dessert, I think. As I mentioned before, Gus wanted to go outside every now and them and for the most part, he stuck to the rule of staying at the party. But when I saw that he didn't want to sit and eat, and then started wandering into the next property, I knew he was done. As much as I hate to 'eat and run' that's pretty much what we did, because he can lose it pretty quickly. By the time I was getting him to the car, he'd started struggling with me to start running around, and he'd stopped listening. Staying, at that point, would have been dumb on our parts (which I know from first hand experience).

Even the Way We Party Isn't Typical Anymore

So we've had to make some refinements to the way we socialize when we take the kid with us. We can't just go to a party and hang out with friends while the kids run around and entertain themselves. But whereas we used to just take them places and be miserable chasing after a very wound up Gus, we're learning how to make the situation more manageable for everyone. And as he grows and matures, he's able to handle more for longer periods of time. Yesterday, he even petted and played with the dogs once he saw how calm and well-behaved they were. It's gotten better. We're still not ready for Disney World, but give us another few years.

*painting by Albert Chevalier Tayler

Thursday Thankfulness and A New Layout

Hello all! Notice anything new? I've been toying with my layout this morning - what do you think?

Today I am thankful for:

1. Three Column Blogger for a wonderfully easy tutorial on adding a third column to a Blogger blog. I'm definitely a DIY type of person so I was thrilled that I could do this on my own. I'm hoping to add in some tabbed pages as well for blogrolls, just to keep things tidy. I'm feeling quite accomplished this morning!
2. I am thankful for being so slow to throw things out. This morning, hidden in the invoice from my last tea order, I found a sample of a tea blossom from Adagio teas. It's whole leaf tea wrapped around a little flower. Aside from being quite good, I can't express the entertainment value of one of those things! It had to steep for 5 minutes; BOTH my kids stood still for at least 3 of those minutes watching it unfold. Completely mesmerizing. I may order some just for those days when everyone is bouncing off the walls! Conversely, I am thankful that we have the bulk dumpster this week because I got rid of some things I've been dying to throw out. It may take me a while, but getting rid of clutter is sure liberating.
3. I am thankful for the creativity and insight of Gus & MM's aunts and uncles (even if they don't realize just how creative and insightful they are). I almost never give very useful guidance as to what to get the kids for their birthdays or holidays, etc., yet our extended family members always come up with the most awesome things. Some of the big hits lately have been: an anatomy game called Skeletons in the Closet and a 14' jump rope. Why were these great gifts? Well, Aspies tend to be great learners and fond of facts. So educational games or books often go over well. Uncle C, who gave the kids the Skeletons game, has also hit home runs with animal encyclopedias, a globe, and a book about the Way Things Work. The jump rope is just plain fun, but also good for developing coordination and generally getting in some exercise. Jumping also provides sensory input for those kids who need it. So, my sister gets props for that one!
   

What toys or games are your favorites for kids on the spectrum?

Soccer Opening Day and The Birthday Playdate

image from Wikimedia Commons by Nancy Heise

I've been MIA for several days mostly due to errands that forced me out of the house, nice weather and birthday stuff. I will now have a reprieve for about a week before the next round of birthday planning for MM's High School Musical un-party. (When you don't invite all the neighborhood kids, you really can't call it a party or else there will be trouble.) Three mini-celebrations done, Gus is now officially 8 and I'm wiped out! But here's an update:

Gus had his first school friend over to celebrate his birthday, which I had mentioned in my April 12th post. It turned out that only one boy came with his dad, but it was a very nice time, and probably worked out better than if both boys had come over.

In the morning, Gus started the spring soccer season, which I unfortunately missed in order to clean up (including the patio which was then discovered to be unusable because of bees - just my luck). I baked a cake, Gus got home with just enough time to change when our guests arrived right on time. This friend is not into video games (except train simulators) so the kids played a board game instead. At that point, Gus was engaged and interacting. They were all having a great time. Then I went to pick up pizza and we all sat down to eat. That was about the time that Gus went into his zone.

I think he must have just been tired, but he started trying to watch television (which we didn't allow) and became pretty laconic. Thankfully, MM stayed home instead of going to do the girl scout cookie booth with her troop. She gave E. the tour of the house and we learned that he likes fans. He was particularly entertained by the ceiling fan with the remote control. But since it was such a nice day, E. really wanted to be outdoors. We all went for a hike.

We offered to show E. and his dad the lake and DH proceeded to lead us up a wooded path that he and Gus like to take to get to our lake. I would have opted for the road, but DH didn't realize that although E. is more adept at expression and social skills, Gus is a little more agile and capable with gross motor activities like climbing and bike riding. Although he has low muscle tone (mushy muscles), poor coordination and fine motor skills, he's still something like a little billy goat when it comes to getting up and down those steep, slippery hills. Fortunately, E. and his dad enjoyed the challenge (Dad is an outdoorsy type and clearly liked the opportunity to push his son a little) and the lake was calm and absolutely gorgeous. E.'s dad tried to teach everyone to skip stones, then we trekked back through a different wooded path (I insisted on the flat path) back home for cake.

E., bless his heart, doesn't like sweets, but he was happy about a steady supply of pretzels that we had on hand. He did ask to try a piece of cake to be polite. Such a sweetheart! After a couple of hours, they left, but I think they enjoyed the laid back time they spent with us. We invited them back to go swimming over the summer, and they mentioned possibly having Gus go visit at their house. I'd call the day a success even with Gus kind of petering out. Next time, we'll have to arrange his activities when he doesn't have soccer practice.

We took a little rest and then dragged Gus back out to the yard (away from the patio and its new inhabitants) where MM made him run several relay races. But soon after he was truly done and he went back in. Everyone slept quite well last night! And as soon as DH gets back from food shopping, we're going back out, this time to hike one of the rail trails.

Have a great day!

Thursday Thankfulness: Autism Awareness Day

Here we are again. This Thursday came around pretty fast.

1. I am thankful that it is almost Spring Break for my kids. Although it means a little more work for me, it also means we can all relax a little and have some semblance of fun! I hope the weather cooperates!
   
2. I am thankful for all the family and friends who may have never understood anything about autism in the past, but who have made the effort to understand because they care so much for Gus. The list is pretty sizeable, but y'all know who you are. A couple of those friends shared this YouTube video with me entitled In My Language made by an autistic woman, SilentMiaOw. As one of those friends commented, "It is very humbling." Thanks to H and S for getting this to me!
   
3. I am thankful for the community of autism bloggers and advocates whom I've come across over the past year. As they can probably relate, it's not always easy to get to support groups. Having a community of people who 'get it' makes a huge difference. Some of my faves:
   

   Adonya Wong
   

   Mia
   

   Maddy
   

   Emily
   

   Mary
   

   Bonnie
   

   And by the way, Bonnie will be hosting the Gluten-Free Twitter Party tomorrow April 3 at 9am, 1pm and 7:30 pm PST. You might want to check that one out!
   

Please share your thankfulness and have a great (rest of the) day!