Monday, May 11, 2009

The Gift Beneath the Mother's Day Present

Asperger's, autism, empathy, gardening, growing, mistakes, Mother's Day, nature, social skillsLast Thursday, Gus's school had a plant sale for Mother's Day. I gave him $20 and told him he could spend up to $5 on whatever he wanted if he saw something he liked. That afternoon, he came home with a 2 foot tall plant - a tomato plant to be precise - and handed it to me along with change. If you've read about our past adventures with tomato plants, you'll understand the deep significance of such a gift.

I wrote a note to his teacher the next day to find out if someone had perhaps suggested to him that it might be nice to replace the (now completely dead) tomato plant we were trying to grow. Nope. He picked out the plant all on his own (and by the way, stayed within his budget, which is something I probably would not have done).

What has this told me? Gus may not be meeting some of the social goals on his IEP, but the work and social skills training that happens every day, here and at school, are getting through to him. I always knew that he had empathy, but he's also learning to be considerate of others and to correct his mistakes. I told a friend about my gift and she mused that many grown men - even the neurotypical ones - wouldn't have been so considerate.

So as sweet as the plant was, I really loved the deeper gift of knowing that Gus really is gaining those skills that he'll need to function in the world. It's been a struggle and there will be many, many more struggles, but a plant showed me a sign that all the hardship has never been for nothing. Every day he gets a little better, grows a little more, and I think he's going to be all right.

9 comments:

  1. OMG this so made my day. I'm so happy for Gus and for you and your family. What a terrific boy he is. I was so hoping the tomato plant from your last post grew but alas it hasn't. Andera...how wonderful. Please give Gus a hug for me for doing this...He's going to be a fine young man and what a Mother's Day gift...I'm sure that made your Mother's Day that much better. :) Aloha my friend

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  2. I will certainly deliver that hug, Thom! Amazing how such a simple gesture can bring so much joy to so many people! I'm glad it made your day :-) Aloha!

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  3. What a great present! Consideration, empathy, love and organization (with the budgeting) went into picking that present - bet you were blown away!

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  4. Thanks, Chun! I was and still am blown away!

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  5. WOW.....thats terrific. What a great post. Way to go gus. Thanks for sharing andrea, made my day after having a day from hell yesterday.

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  6. Sorry to hear yesterday was such a bad day, John. However, glad to provide a pick-me-up!

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  7. I was reading Gay Dads in Munchkin Land and his post today made me think of your blog and I told him so and gave him the link. Then I see you already have his button on your blog. I was so excited about that. :)

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  8. Thanks for the PR anyway, Thom! And also thanks for pointing me to his post!!

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  9. I'm so glad you went there. I read your comment and it was wonderful. I'm going to write something in my FFF. I do understand your point of being in a position where you know one of them...makes it hard I know...You are great Andrea :)

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Welcome - thanks for sharing your insights!