Joining In

There was a slip-n-slide. Today was one of those hot, muggy days when the air feels like oatmeal in your lungs. The floors felt like they were coated with dew. Yuck! Gus came home from school completely exhausted, played on the computer for a while during the first rain storm of the day, and then watched his favorite show. In the interim, MM noticed that a couple of her friends were playing with the slip-n-slide across the street. I let her go over - Gus doesn't usually want to get involved.

I asked him after a little while if he was interested in coming out, but predictably, he said no. I told him that if he changed his mind, he could put on a swimsuit and come on out. I didn't really expect him to, but I wanted him to know he was welcome.

Imagine my surprise when I turned around and there he was!

That in itself wasn't the biggest deal, but as the crowd of kids grew to proportions that are typically unmanageable for him, I started to notice something quite interesting. The kids had started arguing about turns. Gus had been taking a turn behind one particular girl. No matter how many of the kids cut the line, no matter where he ran off to, no matter how many times his turn got skipped, he always got back in line behind the same girl and waited without complaint to go down the slide. The kid with Asperger's behaved better than almost all the others out there. There is just no end to life's ironies.

I'm quite proud of him today. He might not be able to stand in line per se, but he's gotten the concept of taking turns nicely. Well done, Gus!

Small Groups

Eons ago, in another life when I taught high-school aged kids, I learned that children with certain learning styles (kinesthetic and tactile) tended to do much better in small group activities (groups of 2 or 3). I notice that this holds true for Gus. In large groups of peers, as when we are hanging out in the neighborhood, he gravitates away from the large number of kids, and it ends up being a situation where we are corralling him more than anything else. Not enjoyable for us or for him.

Yesterday, we skipped the neighborhood scene (at the last minute we were invited to a beach party with the neighbors - probably at least 8-11 kids) and went to my cousin's as planned. There were about 5 other children playing together and wow! what a difference in Gus. He still needed some redirection at times, but it was one of the most enjoyable Independence Days that I can remember with him. He played with his friends. He and MM were having such a good time we were able to stay until well past their bedtime; usually we leave right after dinner before they start getting overwhelmed. We got home around 9:30 - heck, that's almost past my bedtime!

The company clearly made a difference as well. There was a level of relaxation and acceptance that is almost non-existent when all the neighborhood kids are together. It's as if Gus doesn't exist. Who wants to do all the work of engaging this kid who always talks to himself when there are so many other, less strange, playmates around? I'm grateful that they aren't outwardly mean to him, at least most of them aren't most of the time - there are comments now and again. But unless there are small numbers, he is rarely, if ever, part of the crowd.

Gus separated himself from the kids yesterday at times, too, but it was more like he just needed breaks. When he rejoined them, he was accepted with no problem. It was just a lovely, laid back, enjoyable day.

How was your 4th?



*image by Katori Suigo via WikiTravel.

The Autistic Child and Social Functions – Preparation is the Key to Success

Social functions can be a nightmare for parents of a child with autism (and for the child for that matter). But they don't have to be. With enough planning and preparation, your child can attend those functions with relatively few problems. Yesterday, we took Gus to an engagement party for a good friend of ours. I'll be honest – I had a knot in my stomach from last week until well after we had gotten to the party, which had about 50 or so people present and is usually a recipe for disaster. But he did just fine. Now, let me point out that Gus's age and the amount of education and behavioral training he's received for the last 6 years made a big difference. If we had taken him to a similar party 3 years ago, we would have had a much different experience. So the first thing to consider is where your child is developmentally. If you can realistically give your child a 50/50 chance of success, then go for it. But if you know your child is just really not ready to stretch his wings, maybe it's best to wait.

Know and Prepare the Environment

I almost never take Gus to places that are completely foreign to us. If we're going to a new place, like yesterday, I do some homework ahead of time to get an idea of what he can get into and what we'll be dealing with. We knew about how many people would be attending the party and that the number was likely more than he could manage, so a few conversations with our friend solved that problem. He very kindly agreed to set up a game system for Gus away from the party area so that Gus wouldn't be overwhelmed. We also knew that the area was not fenced in (we had to be on alert that he could elope very easily), and that there would be 2 dogs outside. This prior knowledge allowed us to plan for two major issues ahead of time. Our friend also let his family (our hosts) know about Gus's challenges, and that was a big help because there was less pressure on us about offending the hosts by being upstairs most of the time (for the most part one of us was at the party at any given time – more on that later). I think it was helpful for them as well because it took the guesswork out of why that little boy was holed up in that room, or why he kept running laps around the house before going back up to the room, or why we had to be so on-top of him. I have found that when we are up front with people about Gus's situation, they have tended to be understanding and helpful. Sometimes they still don't get it, but since our friend knows Gus pretty well, he knew exactly what we would be dealing with.

Prepare Yourself and Your Child

We did a few things to prep Gus about the party. For one thing, he had some choices about what we would bring for him and whether or not we'd go to soccer first or just skip it (we skipped). We gave him plenty of time to get used to the idea that there would be dogs and reassured him about that. On the trip there, as we usually do, we went over the rules and expectations. For ourselves, we made sure we had plenty of snacks, movies and games to keep him busy. We also use a sort of tag—team system for these situations to share the responsibility of watching the kids. You may have wondered where MM was in all this. Although she is 'neurotypical' we still prepare her the same way we prepare Gus. But she usually can be given a little more freedom, and she spent most of the party making friends with the other kids and playing outside. So we kept switching off – one of us would stay with Gus and the other would mingle and keep an eye on MM. Gus even ventured out several times to walk around and then went back to his game. Neither of us was being too rude and each got to enjoy the party a little.

Use the Objects of Obsession to Your Advantage

When deciding what to bring to keep Gus entertained it was really a no-brainer, but I'll mention it anyway. We brought a bunch of games, and our friend brought his Wii, but there was no way we were leaving the Pokémon games behind. We could have made the mistake of just letting Gus play whatever Wii games our friend had, but thankfully, we didn't. Gus got frustrated with the new games, and if that was all we had to work with, we would have had a major problem. With the Pokémon game, however, he was more than happy to play it for most of the 5 hours we were there (yes, you read that number right – I was surprised we lasted that long too). I was even able to leave him alone for a few minutes at a time to get him food or to check on the party.

Be Flexible and Know When to Call it Quits

For people on the spectrum, it can take more energy to regulate themselves that for the average person, and Gus is no different. We always have to be aware of when his reserves of self-control are starting to slip. What I've learned is that when I see those signs, we have to go and people just have to understand. We used to try to stay until at events until it was 'polite' to leave – usually after dessert, but that is a good way to ask for a meltdown. Better to cut the losses – people appreciate not having a scene much more than having you eat dessert, I think. As I mentioned before, Gus wanted to go outside every now and them and for the most part, he stuck to the rule of staying at the party. But when I saw that he didn't want to sit and eat, and then started wandering into the next property, I knew he was done. As much as I hate to 'eat and run' that's pretty much what we did, because he can lose it pretty quickly. By the time I was getting him to the car, he'd started struggling with me to start running around, and he'd stopped listening. Staying, at that point, would have been dumb on our parts (which I know from first hand experience).

Even the Way We Party Isn't Typical Anymore

So we've had to make some refinements to the way we socialize when we take the kid with us. We can't just go to a party and hang out with friends while the kids run around and entertain themselves. But whereas we used to just take them places and be miserable chasing after a very wound up Gus, we're learning how to make the situation more manageable for everyone. And as he grows and matures, he's able to handle more for longer periods of time. Yesterday, he even petted and played with the dogs once he saw how calm and well-behaved they were. It's gotten better. We're still not ready for Disney World, but give us another few years.

*painting by Albert Chevalier Tayler

AMC’s Sensory Friendly Films and Monsters vs. Aliens

Image borrowed according to fair use from Paramount Pictures

A while back it came to my attention that some theaters offered what they called sensory friendly films, but at the time I didn't pay much attention to it. We've only taken our kids to the movies very rarely, mostly because there aren't that many movies we've been interested for them to see. But Monsters vs. Aliens looked a little too good to pass up. We decided to try to take them, but we were concerned about loud explosions bothering both kids, not just Gus. They seemed so excited to see the movie that I decided to do a little research.

It turns out that AMC Theaters partnered with the Autism Society of America to offer these sensory friendly films for kids on the autism spectrum. The films are shown at certain times of the month at select participating theaters. If there isn't a participating theater nearby, you can contact AMC – they might try to change that. The nearest theater to us was about an hour and a half away, near my sister, so we made a day of it. We packed the kids up early in the morning, went out for a big breakfast, and then met my sister and nephew for lunch after the movie.

So modifications did the theater offer? We got lucky that we called for the schedule when we did because this theater offers the accommodations the first Saturday of every month at the first showing. This is beneficial for two reasons: no crowds and matinee rates (we always prefer to pay matinee rates in case Gus doesn't make it through the entire movie). Once the movie started, the lights went down, but not to total darkness. And the best part - which made the movie more enjoyable even for me – the sound was turned down. It was great! The movie was not shown in 3D, which I was grateful for because I was worried about it being too overwhelming for Gus. He got a little fidgety, but not to the extent that he wanted to leave; he just needed to move. No one complained about his movement or when he made comments to the screen. The last time he watched an entire movie in the theater was probably when we went to see Curious George 3 years ago. It was a very nice time.

Was Monsters vs. Aliens worth the 3 hours round trip that we spent in the car? Totally worth it! I've come to have a high level of trust in Dreamworks productions. It was exciting and fun for both kids and parents (there were some hilarious pop culture references) without being crude or obnoxious. In other words, it was just our speed. I highly recommend it!

Have you experienced any sensory friendly films? If so, how did you enjoy it? If not, would you be interested in trying one out?

Busy Weekend

image by: Ian Britton via Freefoto.com

I've been MIA for a few days because the weekend was just incredibly busy. I was very excited that Gus had an exceptional time in terms of his behavior.

Saturday, the kids spent the day with DH and with their grandfather while Grandmother and I were at a bridal shower. Thankfully it was a magnificent day, so they got to go to the park for a good 3 hours. It always amazes me how much good the outdoors can do for Gus. If only it was nice out all the time and he could have all his classes outdoors. He didn't wander off at all, but all reports, which is huge for him. When everyone came back in, he was much more mellow than he had been on his last visit. He slept almost the whole way home but still slept through the night. Sunday morning, he was still in his calm space.

Sunday afternoon, we went to his little cousin's birthday party. There were a lot more children than I anticipated, and he tried to leave a few times, but all in all, he handled the party well. He held it together when they sang happy birthday (just had his hands over his ears and looked like he wanted to bolt, but didn't). And there was one very surprising and nice aspect of the day. The birthday boy's older brother is also on the spectrum, so he and Gus generally sort of orbit around each other without interacting much. Well yesterday, they actually 'hung out' for a while - Gus watching his cousin play a video game. There were words exchanged! They stayed up there together until Gus wanted a turn to play. His cousin got mad when he was made to share and that was the end of the bonding. But it's a start!

Gus woke up a couple of times last night, but he was still pretty chilled out this morning, so hopefully it was a good day at school as well.

How did your early-spring weekend go?

Something He Might be Good At

image by Peter de Wit - some rights reserved

The kids were invited to a birthday party today - a bowling party. We figured they'd have fun, but they truly exceeded all expectations.

Gus and MM ended up on a lane with 4 other kids. One little boy is a natural athlete: he plays baseball and almost has his black belt in karate - the kid is not even 8 yet. He doesn't typically play with Gus, and often makes derisive faces at him. Even when they first started playing, Gus was hopping up and down, so excited every time he knocked down some pins. HE was equally excited and cheering for anyone else who knocked down some pins. That earned him a couple of "weird" looks from the other boys playing.

That was until he pulled into the lead.

Yes, you read that right. Gus, the boy with poor coordination and low muscle tone, especially in his arms and hands, was beating Super Athlete for a frame or two! Go Gus! After that, Super Athlete wasn't exactly nice to him, but I could see a little glimmer of respect replace the condescension.

Gus came in 2nd place with a score of 78 - not bad for a kid who has only bowled one other time. And MM, bless her heart, came in a close third. She has patented a move she calls the "run slide." Picture bowling meets Flashdance. A couple more games, and my kids will be able to take on the president.

It was a fun party and an exhausting afternoon. Catch ya tomorrow!

Thursday Thankfulness Remixed

This is my first Thursday Thankfulness in my new digs!

1. I am thankful for the support of certain friends and family that gave me the confidence to recreate my blog as an independent venture. I may fall flat on my face, but nothing tried, nothing gained, so here we are. In some ways (content, amount of posting) things are still the same, but the sense of freedom I'm feeling is kind of a rush right now.
   
2. I am thankful that Gus has improved a little in being able to tolerate a crowded environment slightly better than in the past. We went to a friend's 5-Year-Cancer-Survivor celebration last night. Gus managed to escape the house before we even got through the door, and he was all over the house like a caged cheetah. But he didn't end up lost or in their lake, and while he teetered on the edge of a meltdown, it never really manifested. We were able to be there for about an hour until we had to call it quits. It's still hard to take him to that type of gathering, but he's gotten better. Good enough for me.
   
3. I am thankful for the opportunity to guest post for my pal Mia of General Hysteria later this week (hopefully tomorrow or Saturday)! I've written about some of the pros and cons for siblings when one is on the spectrum and the other isn't. I hope you'll check it out and share your thoughts with us!
   

Please comment with your thankfulness today! Comments are moderated, so don't panic if you don't see yours right away. And if you subscribe to the comments, you can follow the discussion!