Thankfulness

I never tend to count Sundays as the start of a week, but rather as the end. So before my week is done, here is what I am thankful for:

• Gus had a good time at our friend's son's birthday party up in Albany. He didn't make any lifelong friends, but this was another pretty accepting environment. Gus played video games for much of the afternoon, but there were a couple of teenage relatives who tried to play with him. He also played with the younger kids on and off. There was a medium sized dog, which Gus says he petted (although I did not actually see it happen). It was a pretty pleasant afternoon all things considered.
  
• I am thankful that we actually made it home from the previously mentioned party! Holy cow, what an odyssey! First we missed an exit and ended up driving into the next state. Then, once we were about 45 minutes from home, the kids were going bonkers so we thought we'd stop for dinner. Understand what I mean by bonkers – very loud Pokémon speak, kicking seats…someone was about to get dinged in the head with a Pokedex…It got so bad that DH and I were laughing. Not the 'HAHA they're so cute' laugh; the 'OMG I've just fallen off a cliff and am about to be a pancake' hysterical laugh. The exit had one of those blue signs that said we could find food and gas. We followed the arrow toward the food and gas. And followed. And followed. And followed…There was NOTHING! (I'm feeling another hysterical giggle coming on.) We drove for a good half hour to find…the next exit that would have been right where Gus's school is. So we finally found a Chinese take-out place figuring it would be fast. HA! Forty-five minutes before we got out food. With this whole ordeal, we could have drive home and back! Needless to say, I am very, very glad to be out of the car and back home.
  
• I am thankful for finishing a 24 mile bike ride safely yesterday. I rode a trail that spans 3 counties and did my farthest distance yet. I think I might meet my goal of doing a 50 mile ride this year. I'll have to start a new blog…
  

Incidentally, I'm typing on my new net book (which I am also thankful for) – yay! As nice as it was, I'm glad this weekend is done – I'm beat! What are you thankful for this week?

Thankful It's Thursday

Because that means tomorrow is Friday! I had my post all mapped out in my head, and I really should have written it first thing this morning. But fear not - I think I can capture the essence of what I am thankful for today!

1. I am thankful that my sister-in-law and brother-in-law have safely completed their trek up Machu Picchu! I would have never told them before they left, but I was a little worried. Fortunately for me, I have learned to keep a lid on my anxiety over other people's activities, especially my own kids'. I'm sure many parents can relate to that!

How many times do we watch our kids doing something that we would swear is nothing short of lethal (like getting on the school bus in the morning) and swallow all our fears lest we raise a paranoid kid? The parenting manual said two paranoid people per family is the standard allowance. As our kids get older, and their activities get more dangerous (no way am I ever allowing my kids behind the wheel of anything bigger than a Tonka truck), it gets harder to keep our doom-mongering to ourselves, but we do it anyway. Last night I told my daughter I'd be walking her to the bus stop when she's a grown-up (she thought I was joking). And here's how I envision life with Gus a few short years from now:

My words: Maybe you should do that outside in case it spills? And put down some newspaper...remember to clean up when you're done! Have fun, honey!
My thoughts: He's going to mix those things together, blow up the neighborhood, and Boom! here comes the zombie apocalypse. And I just swept!

His words: I said I'd clean up, Mom! Stop nagging!
His thought: She probably thinks I'm going to cause a zombie apocalypse or something. I wonder if that could happen? Nah, she would have said something. Can't have zombies eating Mom's brains - who'd clean up the mess? What did those instructions say again?

I give the parentals-in-law lots of credit for not stifling SIL's adventurous spirit. Despite some mishaps, which apparently included a monsoon, the world travellers are safely in a Peruvian hotel chillin' out. Yay!

2. I am thankful for laughter and for things that make my kids laugh because kid laughter is just the best. Last night I was reading Gus a book about the Klondike Gold Rush [Gold in the Hills: A tale of the Klondike Gold Rush (Time Spies) by Candace Ransom], and some of the characters had some pretty hilarious names like Old Pancake and Blueberry Pete. Of course, any eight-year-old boy worth his salt will crumble into gales of giggles over names like that. Laughs before bed are always a good deal! I've decided that Gus will have to be renamed Pokemon Gus and I think I will probably end up with a name like Old Chocolate Chip.

3. I am thankful for Gus's art teacher! He came home yesterday with some amazing artwork

including a kente cloth he made, a stained glass painting and a Cezanne styled, textured landscape made (I think) on a plastic bag, which is going to have to go in a frame. Since Gus never draws or paints or anything at home (his choice) I never realized just how talented he is artistically. She's done a great job in bringing that out in him!

What are you thankful for today? Share it here in a comment and have a great day!



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Time Article on ADHD

Thanks to a Tweet by Dana Jonson, I saw this Time article entitled Kids with ADHD May Learn Better by Fidgeting. In essence, the article highlights a small but thorough study done by Mark Rapport that demonstrates when kids with ADHD are fidgeting, their brains are stimulated in a similar way as with stimulant medications. It seems that if they are allowed to fidget (obviously not to the point of climbing walls) they may actually focus better (even if that seems backwards to a teacher whose brain doesn't work the same way).

I love coming across studies like this because they validate what I've always known about Gus. From the time he was born, two things were very evident: he was extremely alert and taking everything in, and he was never still. Before he could walk, his little legs were always going. I remember trying to teach him to count when he was about 18 months old. Whenever I would ask him something or tell him something, he'd always run to the opposite end of our apartment and then come back with a response. Clearly, this was his way of processing information. So, this day when I worked on counting with him, I took a bunch of apples to the living room and gave them to him, one at a time. Each time he would run and put the apple in the kitchen and we counted up as he returned for the next one. He learned many things doing laps around our apartment.

One of the things I appreciate about his current school program is that when he needs to fidget or move around, he can communicate that to his teacher and be allowed to do so. Before coming into class, he might hop through the hall like a kangaroo to his seat. Then he can start his morning assignment. The movement seems to help a lot.

ADHD is only part of Gus's trouble with focus, because he also has a bunch of sensory integration issues, but ADHD is also the one that we've been advised on occasion to try to medicate. Maybe this study will bring about a shift away from medication and toward giving ADHD kids a little more freedom so their minds can work the way they're wired to. And maybe 'Least Restrictive Environment' might take on a more literal meaning.

And maybe now I won't feel so bad when I don't stop Gus from running the length of the house. He's just stimulating his brain!



*image from cksinfo.com

Days Off CAN Be Peaceful!

The kids had off today for the holiday weekend, and I was a little worried about what we'd do because it was supposed to be very hot today. We started our day with french toast, which they'd earned by getting dressed with a minimum of fuss (Gus didn't even need to be asked today). We went to the nursery to get some deer repellent and fertilizer stuff for our plants. We ended up with a new tomato plant. MM named the new one Aim (short for Aimee I later learned).

After getting home with our new friend, I realized I had no way to hang the hanging vines. So we had lunch and then headed back out to the hardware store for hooks and a chain. I have to say, the kids were very good in both stores. We went over the rules in the car each time and I asked that they keep their hands to themselves. I also pointed out that we would be around living things and we wouldn't want to hurt them by accidentally knocking anything over. Seemed to work.

Gus's tomato (who does not have a name) has gotten too big for the kitchen, so we've relocated it outside (thus the deer repellent, which by the way stinks to high heaven, as my mom used to say).

Gus stayed inside most of the afternoon playing Pokemon, but came out to play with the kids with water guns and the neighbor's hose. By the time he came out, most of the kids had gone, but he still had a good time.

All in all, a better than average day! How was yours? Leave a comment and if you've got a sec, please vote in my sidebar poll! Have a great weekend!

Thursday Thankfulness

I know it looks like I've been slacking, and that's probably because I have. After being cooped up for the fall and winter (which to me all equates to 'winter' once it drops below 40 degrees) I've been like a big kid, wanting to be out in the open air as much as possible. So you'll probably notice that I've only been posting a few times a week. That'll change come the fall, but I will definitely keep up my Thursdays - they're good for morale! This week I am thankful for:

My tomato plant which is not only still alive after the transplanting, but growing at a frightful rate! I would have felt awful if I'd killed it. Now we just have to figure out what to do when it starts to reach the ceiling, as my father-in-law wisely pointed out. I'm envisioning some sort of Jack and the Beanstalk-esque post coming before the end of the summer.

I am thankful that Gus's field trip was a success! Monday, we went on an epic journey, to the wilds of Queens, NY to see a production of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Originally, the whole family was going to attend the trip, but MM decided to stay home with her dad instead of taking the 2+ hour bus ride each way. So I had the rare chance to spend some time with Gus. The show was a blast. I never got the name of the actress who was playing Alexander, but I have to say it was exhausting just watching her. She never stood still for a second on the stage - I've never seen an adult with that much energy (and living with my husband, that's saying quite a bit)! And she had to sing! I don't know how she didn't pass out, but she was amazing. The show held lots of laughs and was totally worth the ride. The trip back was entertaining for me as well. At one point, Gus was seated behind his friend who is also a Pokemon expert. I had brought one of Gus's Pokemon encyclopedias to keep him from getting too antsy on the trip. The boy in front started passing back notes about the Pokemon DS game and then would ask Gus to turn to a specific Pokemon in the book and then pass the book through that space between the window and the seat. Then I'd hear, "Aw, that one looks great!" or something similar. This went on for well over half an hour. Hilarious! More importantly, I got to see Gus bonding with a friend. Priceless.

I am thankful that it's nice out so that I can go for a bike ride as soon as I finish this post. One thing I've noticed is that I've got a lot more patience when I a) do something for myself once in a while and b) get exercise c) get out of the house. It seems like this should be so simple as to be unworthy of mentioning, but any parent, especially those who work from home, can attest that it is often hard to pull yourself away and trust that the world won't stop turning when you stop turning the crank. I'm still not convinced, but the sun is out and telling me to be a little selfish. So if the world stops because I'm not sitting at my computer working, or doing laundry, or any of the other 3,950,242,538,408 things I need to do in the next hour...blame it on the sun. I'm out of here!

What are you thankful for today?

The Autistic Child and Social Functions – Preparation is the Key to Success

Social functions can be a nightmare for parents of a child with autism (and for the child for that matter). But they don't have to be. With enough planning and preparation, your child can attend those functions with relatively few problems. Yesterday, we took Gus to an engagement party for a good friend of ours. I'll be honest – I had a knot in my stomach from last week until well after we had gotten to the party, which had about 50 or so people present and is usually a recipe for disaster. But he did just fine. Now, let me point out that Gus's age and the amount of education and behavioral training he's received for the last 6 years made a big difference. If we had taken him to a similar party 3 years ago, we would have had a much different experience. So the first thing to consider is where your child is developmentally. If you can realistically give your child a 50/50 chance of success, then go for it. But if you know your child is just really not ready to stretch his wings, maybe it's best to wait.

Know and Prepare the Environment

I almost never take Gus to places that are completely foreign to us. If we're going to a new place, like yesterday, I do some homework ahead of time to get an idea of what he can get into and what we'll be dealing with. We knew about how many people would be attending the party and that the number was likely more than he could manage, so a few conversations with our friend solved that problem. He very kindly agreed to set up a game system for Gus away from the party area so that Gus wouldn't be overwhelmed. We also knew that the area was not fenced in (we had to be on alert that he could elope very easily), and that there would be 2 dogs outside. This prior knowledge allowed us to plan for two major issues ahead of time. Our friend also let his family (our hosts) know about Gus's challenges, and that was a big help because there was less pressure on us about offending the hosts by being upstairs most of the time (for the most part one of us was at the party at any given time – more on that later). I think it was helpful for them as well because it took the guesswork out of why that little boy was holed up in that room, or why he kept running laps around the house before going back up to the room, or why we had to be so on-top of him. I have found that when we are up front with people about Gus's situation, they have tended to be understanding and helpful. Sometimes they still don't get it, but since our friend knows Gus pretty well, he knew exactly what we would be dealing with.

Prepare Yourself and Your Child

We did a few things to prep Gus about the party. For one thing, he had some choices about what we would bring for him and whether or not we'd go to soccer first or just skip it (we skipped). We gave him plenty of time to get used to the idea that there would be dogs and reassured him about that. On the trip there, as we usually do, we went over the rules and expectations. For ourselves, we made sure we had plenty of snacks, movies and games to keep him busy. We also use a sort of tag—team system for these situations to share the responsibility of watching the kids. You may have wondered where MM was in all this. Although she is 'neurotypical' we still prepare her the same way we prepare Gus. But she usually can be given a little more freedom, and she spent most of the party making friends with the other kids and playing outside. So we kept switching off – one of us would stay with Gus and the other would mingle and keep an eye on MM. Gus even ventured out several times to walk around and then went back to his game. Neither of us was being too rude and each got to enjoy the party a little.

Use the Objects of Obsession to Your Advantage

When deciding what to bring to keep Gus entertained it was really a no-brainer, but I'll mention it anyway. We brought a bunch of games, and our friend brought his Wii, but there was no way we were leaving the Pokémon games behind. We could have made the mistake of just letting Gus play whatever Wii games our friend had, but thankfully, we didn't. Gus got frustrated with the new games, and if that was all we had to work with, we would have had a major problem. With the Pokémon game, however, he was more than happy to play it for most of the 5 hours we were there (yes, you read that number right – I was surprised we lasted that long too). I was even able to leave him alone for a few minutes at a time to get him food or to check on the party.

Be Flexible and Know When to Call it Quits

For people on the spectrum, it can take more energy to regulate themselves that for the average person, and Gus is no different. We always have to be aware of when his reserves of self-control are starting to slip. What I've learned is that when I see those signs, we have to go and people just have to understand. We used to try to stay until at events until it was 'polite' to leave – usually after dessert, but that is a good way to ask for a meltdown. Better to cut the losses – people appreciate not having a scene much more than having you eat dessert, I think. As I mentioned before, Gus wanted to go outside every now and them and for the most part, he stuck to the rule of staying at the party. But when I saw that he didn't want to sit and eat, and then started wandering into the next property, I knew he was done. As much as I hate to 'eat and run' that's pretty much what we did, because he can lose it pretty quickly. By the time I was getting him to the car, he'd started struggling with me to start running around, and he'd stopped listening. Staying, at that point, would have been dumb on our parts (which I know from first hand experience).

Even the Way We Party Isn't Typical Anymore

So we've had to make some refinements to the way we socialize when we take the kid with us. We can't just go to a party and hang out with friends while the kids run around and entertain themselves. But whereas we used to just take them places and be miserable chasing after a very wound up Gus, we're learning how to make the situation more manageable for everyone. And as he grows and matures, he's able to handle more for longer periods of time. Yesterday, he even petted and played with the dogs once he saw how calm and well-behaved they were. It's gotten better. We're still not ready for Disney World, but give us another few years.

*painting by Albert Chevalier Tayler

Hot Soccer

Yesterday I got to take Gus to his soccer game! It was awesome, in large part because we had an almost 90 degree day yesterday, so in the morning, the temperature was perfect for hanging out watching a game. I saw some of his teammates from the fall season and a couple of additions. And apparently there is now a special needs cheering squad! Way to go girls! They were too cute!

Gus had to take several water breaks, but he did very well during his field time. They did a drill that involved zig-zagging through some cones and then dribbling in the same pattern. I'm not sure I could have done it without hitting any. But he did it and later made 3 goals.

Gus taking a little break on the field.

In the afternoon, we thought we'd go for a hike up the Appalachian trail and then maybe spend some time at the playground. First, 90+ degrees is only good hiking weather during the actual summer (not this prank summer we're currently experiencing) after the trees have bloomed completely. We figured the trail is normally nice and shady. We're normally on the trail in July, not April. So the hike was quite short. We lasted longer at the nearby playground because the kids found some nice shady spots to hang out in. What did they care that we had to share a 2 foot by 8 inch patch of shade between the two of us?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the heat. If it decided to stay this warm through the end of the summer, I'd be a happy woman! Gus on the other hand...heat and the resulting eczema are not really his friends. He was up in the middle of the night, which I suspect was also related to the heat, but he insists he was doing research on Pokemon steel types. Makes perfect sense to do that kind of research at night - they might have melted in the intense daytime heat, right?

It was a lovely, laid back Saturday, and if I can get my act together, tomorrow I'll post about how we managed to beat the intense warm weather for Manic Monday!

Thursday Thankfulness: It's Almost Spring!

It's raining today, and I'm happy about that. Know why? Because it's not snowing! Spring is right around the corner and that's a good time to bask in some springtime gratitude!

1. I am thankful that tomorrow it will officially be spring! In honor of this, I've planned that Sunday I will take a vacation from my computer screen and do some spring cleaning. DH is going to a gaming convention for the day, so I will rally the troops to do massive overhauls of their bedrooms and we're going to start painting the living room. Gus has been asking to help and I figure if I let him help with the priming, it should be pretty harmless. I won't even let myself think about what could possibly be wrong with that theory.

2. I am thankful that I've had lots of work lately. the project I'm working on today is a little insane with a killer deadline, but the paycheck will be beautiful when I get it in my hands. However, I do apologize to all my social-networky pals. I haven't forgotten you and I'll be back soon!

3. I am thankful for my son's 'team.' I'll be going to talk with them tomorrow, and I even if they don't have anything new or spectacular to tell me, I love the fact that they have stuck with him for the past 2 years. Gus is a really good kid, but you have got to be on your toes at all times with him. He's fun and incredibly smart, but also can be exhausting. so, kudos and many thanks to Gus's staff - they rock like the Flintstones!

4. And an extra bit of gratitude because I'm that happy about the spring! I am thankful for Gus's obsession with Pokemon. Yes, I know it's probably not the healthiest thing in the world, but consider the mileage I get out of this fixation.

Getting dressed in the morning: "You can't battle any gym leaders until you get dressed."
Eating breakfast: "All the best Pokemon masters eat breakfast and they feed their Pokemon, too."
Homework: "If you have 3 Pokeballs and 7 Dark Pokemon to capture, how many more Pokeballs do you need?"

See? Everything can have an upside!

Please feel free to share your thoughts and gratitude below and have a great day!

Gus Speaks

Gus had the day off today, so we got to spend some time hanging out. Then I got the brilliant idea to interview him. I always write about him, but he never gets the opportunity to represent himself. (After hearing this, you may decide that's been a wise move on my part). He was in a very silly mood by the time we got back.





Like he said, we went out for breakfast and then attempted to get a couple of pints of paint to test the colors. Apparently, the store doesn't sell small sizes and expects people to get at least a quart of a color they don't even know if they want. So we came home and did this little interview. I found it interesting that he was more focused on the conversation (as opposed to climbing on me) when we started talking about Pokemon, but not surprising. He's playing now. MM is a little mad that we went out without her, despite the fact that she often gets lunches out while Gus is at school. I'll take her out next week.

Have a great weekend!